rainy.

there is just something about rainy days. it makes me want to snuggle up under my covers all warm, light my favorite smelling candles, be in a slightly artsy mood, drink my favorite hazelnut coffee, and journal all while listening to my rainy day playlist. because, yes, i do have one of those. and yes, it is currently playing.

now playing: fire - augustauna and before that, rainin' you - Brad Paisley.

abc.

nom nom.

this weekend was full of fun!! kanon came to visit me in auburn and i decided it'd be fun to cook for him. i used the cookbook my sister gave my for christmas and got a yummy pizza recipe! (and, linds, you'd be so proud of me! instead of using white flour, i used organic whole wheat flour!)

it was so much fun to make this. i made the dough, kneaded it out, let it rise, chopped all the veggies... i had an absolute blast doing it!

the colors were so pretty! i wish i had gotten my camera earlier so i could have taken pictures of the dough being made and rising. i felt like freakin' betty crocker.

i will admit though, i made a couple mistakes. im not the perfect cook yet. in the cook book it said 1 Lb 2oz of flour. well, i didnt know how to convert Lbs to cups so that i could measure it. so instead of logically realizing that my bag of flour was 2 Lbs so i should just put a little over half the bag, i tried to mathematically solve it. this didn't work at all because i ended up deciding the 1 lb 2 oz of flour is equivalent to 1 cup. AM I DUMB!? well, it still didnt dawn on me that what i was doing was COMPLETELY wrong... so i kept going. the 'dough' looked like soup. the cookbook said "stir till texture changes to a dough like consistency" so i just stirred my little heart out...

it wasn't until about 10 min later that my stupidity dawned on me, and i saw that the soup was just getting soupier. so i fiiiinally realized i needed to add more flour and then we were good to go. amateur mistake #1.

the second mistake i made was that i didnt read where it said the dough recipie was enough for 2, 12 in. pizza's. so i used all that dough to make 1, 10 in. pizza. needless to say it was a REALLY crusty pizza!

however, it was so good!! there were sautéed mushrooms, chopped red and green peppers, green and purple onion, black and green olives, and mozzarella cheese! i am so proud:)

pizza wasn't the only fun thing that happened this weekend either. the next night a group of girls had a bunch of us over for a mexican fiesta! they cooked tacos, homemade guacamole, and more... the food was delish and the fellowship was great too. we also saw No Strings Attached... im not recommending anyone go see it, but i was laughing SO hard. not the best family film though! I also got to have a super fun girls night with some great friends and just enjoy their company and laugh a whole lot. and to top off this great weekend, i got to hear a great sermon at my church and be so challenged by it. and lastly i ate a $30 lunch (just mine was $30. when i say nom nom, i mean noooom nooooom!!) at my most favorite restaurant in all of auburn with kanon, katie, and iz.

i have had such a fun weekend full of great food, friends, and a whole lot of laughter. now back to the reality of school...

abc.

seasons.

the lord never ceases to amaze me. over christmas break one of the things i was praying for is that God would not only give me direction, but give me something at auburn that i feel i can really pour my heart into. and just since i have been back God has been so faithful to constantly turn my fears into faith, my restlessness to peace, and my my disposition to pure joy.

just in these past 2 weeks, i have listened/talked to girl after girl about how they feel so broken, and that they do not understand what the Lord is doing with their lives, or why he is doing the things he is... and it has been so amazing because in 2 weeks i have gotten to share my testimony with 3 to 4 different girls about my past two years of unbelievable brokenness. and this is not bragging on myself at all, but giving glory to my heavenly Father for bringing me to a new season of life and blessing me with the struggles that i did so that i can know him in the way i do now- and more, that i can encourage my friends going through similar things to just hang on... because there is grace unimaginable, joy indescribable, and peace unfathomable all along the rocky road.

i was talking to a dear friend tonight, and as i sat here and listened to her just cry about how broken she is before the Lord i couldn't help but get so excited for her. because the best is yet to come. the joy that comes from being beautifully broken by Jesus is like no other.

i remember journaling, about this time last year (right when i transferred to auburn), and i had read my go to verse, Lamentations 3. in it he says,

"...my soul is bereft of peace; i have forgotten what happiness is..."

and thats exactly how i felt. i thought there was nothing else the Lord could break me of, there was no more pride or selfishness he could reveal... i was done. and looking back- i could not be MORE thankful for that season of brokenness. because it has brought me to this indescribable joy in the Lord and peace within his will- because i know my God is for me.

"weeping may last for the night,

but joy comes in the morning!

...you have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,

that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent..."

- Psalm 30:5, 11-12

"you are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble;

you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

i will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

i will counsel you with my eye upon you

...steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord..."

- Psalm 32:7, 10

"i sought the Lord, and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears. those who look to him are radiant,

and their faces shall never be shamed...

the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,

and delivers them.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!

blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

...but those who seek the Lord lack NO GOOD THING...

the Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit..."

-Psalm 34: 4-8, 10,18

thats only 3 Psalms- there are hundreds of verses reminding us to cling to the Father.

"Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

A great high Priest who’s name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hand

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

When satan tempts me to despair

and tells me of the guilt within

upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin

Because a sinless Savior died

my sinful soul is counted free

For God the just is satisfied

to look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah

Praise the One Risen Son of God.

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangeable I AM

The King of Glory and of grace

One in Himself, I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God"

- 'before the throne' shane&shane

the Lord has so much in store for us, more than we could ever imagine. so to my sweet friend who is broken, or to my other who is hurting beyond my imagination, or to the one who feels like your world is in shambles, or to the one that is so discontent.... take heart. because this is the God we serve.

abc.

makin' my day.

i wish this poem had picked a more poetic or meaningful word than success... maybe joy...

"Success is speaking words of praise In cheering other peoples ways In doing just the best you can With every task and every plan. It's silence when your speech would hurt. Politeness when your neighbor's curt. It's deafness when the scandal flows  and sympathy with other's woes It's loyalty when duty calls It's courage when disaster falls It's politeness when the hours are long It's found in laughter and in song. It's in the silent time of prayer  In happiness and in despair in all of life and nothing less  
We find the thing we call success"- unknown 

although it is kind of cheesy, i think its a great little poem with alot of truth to it.. 

I got to experience this on numerous accounts this week, but one being very special and dear to my heart. my sweet little brother Luke wrote a poem about me. it brought tears to my eyes when i read it. 

(im posting it, not to brag on myself at all, but to show what kind of heart Luke has. Sweet, innocent, caring, and genuine.)

"She's loud and funny, my only true girl.

yet peacfull and caring, my favorite person in the world.

the only one who stood by me through my ups and downs,

my sister abby turns my frowns upside down.

shes a flower in a sidewalk,

shes one of a kind.

seeing her is stunning, it blows your mind.

she never backs down from a challenge,

like a phoenix rising from the fire.

knocked down, she gets back up, and always flys higher.

she'll never let me go and will always love me,

shes the person i want to be, and always will be..."

bud, you're amazing. 

i think wether willing to admit it or not, man or woman, everyone wants to know how deeply they are loved. i know i do. everyone wants to know that they mean something to someone, that they are treasured by someone, or that someone would give anything in the world to just be with them.  

"I want it to be inconvenient; I want to sacrifice my life for it. 

I want the kind of love that wakes me up at 3am. 

I want love that hurts, love that I have to work for.

 I want love that tests me.

 I want the kind of love that's hard to find, and hard to keep and never easy.

 I want the kind of love where you get hurt. 

I want love that makes me cry.

 I want to hold on even if it takes me through my worst nightmare.

 But most of all I want the kind of love that's worth it. 

I want love."

this is on one of my friends favorite quotes. just this. i've blogged about it before... love. everyone wants to feel it. to experience it. to be affected by it. just like my little brother did, i think we should take more time out of our day to show the people that we really love just how much they mean to us. when Luke did, it brought me to tears and made me feel so special, so happy, so fulfilled. everyone needs that in their life. he made my day.. thanks for that, bud. i love you so much.

abc. 

(sorry the spacing is screwed up... i dont know whats wrong with it.) 

a bitter sweet hello.

man. i havn't blogged in over a month! maybe thats why my mind feels so cluttered. (everyone should have seen how i just tried to spell cluttered. thank goodness for spell check.) well. i honestly dont even know where to start. happy abby, sad abby, morbid/depressed abby, or so happy with life i cant contain myself abby. because, honestly, all of those emotions are going on in me right now. at the same stinking time. sometimes i feel like the most bipolar person in the world. its ridiculous.

my school is a national champ!! so much fun! cant believe it! watching the game here was awesome. ive never seen so many people emotionally invested in one tv screen in my life. it was actually kind of funny.

christmas break was so much fun! i absolutely loved getting to spend so much time with my family. it was great just sitting around and being home. really, nothing i would have rather been doing. it was also so much fun to get to see all my friends that are in birmingham. all my friends at samford and all the others that were home from other schools... i just genuinely love being home. to me, theres really not much better.

i also loved getting to see the babies anytime i wanted! i love having linds and colby so close! im still not used to it i dont think. i love that ellie jane knows my name! and i love that i get to see her and john both growing bigger. it is so much fun.

i was not ready to leave. i want to love auburn as much as my friends do. i want to love this place and never ever ever ever leave it like pretty much every other student here... but, i dont. i am so ready to graduate. i came back simply so i could do what i feel the Lord has called me to and get done. fast.

i feel like i have to battle so much selfishness every single day. the selfishness of my heart. not letting the things my heart wants so badly to overcome the joy that i should have in doing what is SO evident to me that the Lord has called me to.

and its hard. because honestly, theres no one to really talk to about this except the Lord. because, at the end of the day, who wants to listen to someone talk about what they wish they could do or talk about where they wish they could be? no one. so its this internal battle that is pretty exhausting. spiritually and emotionally. but, i guess the positive of it, is it is so sweet when i do see the Lord do small things, things that are almost like he speaks straight to me.

so thats where i am at. the break was absolutely fantastic. so needed and so good! and no, i wasnt ready to come back. but, life moves on and i am back! its a very bittersweet hello.

i know i put this hymn on here alot, but these words are so ture. i feel my heart just cling to them as i read the promising words...

"O Love that wilt not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,

I yield my flickering torch to thee;

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

That in thy sunshine's blaze its day

May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee;

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain,

That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from thee;

I lay in dust life's glory dead,

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be"

on an unbelievably more exciting note, i have the best. news. ever! i have been given the most incredible opportunity to spend this whole summer in Thailand! i am beyond excited! i have been wanting to go overseas for a while now and the Lord has been so faithful in answering that specific prayer of mine. i am so excited about the team i am going with, the staff that is leading it, and all the opportunities to grow along the way. one of which being support raising! i am beginning that processes as i type. i am in the middle of working on my support letters which are to be sen out by the end of this week. i am so anxious to see how this whole process goes and excited to see my trust in the Lord deepen! oh my gosh i cant wait to get there!!!

until next time....

abc.

just scratching the surface.

its funny reading through past entries on here. it hasn't even been a year and after rereading, rooted. , so much in my life has changed since then. i have changed so much since then. i laughed pretty hard when i was reminiscing about writing this. i thought it was so creative to name my personalities. now i think it just sounds a little schizo haha!

about 2 years ago, my little brother tanner and i were riding in the car. now- tanner is a man of few words. but when he starts talking, he knows what hes talking about. he is very insightful, he keeps things to himself, and hes very deep. we are VERY different, but i love having true conversations with him. so, we were in the car and he had been really quite, so i knew he was thinking. he grabbed my ipod- which he knows if off limits in my car- and said he had a song to play me that always made him think of me. he turned on "one more mouth" by Josh Ritter. to this day, it is my favorite song and the most played song on my itunes. 153 times to be exact.

we listened to it all the way through and i didn't really get how it reminded him of me. so i sat there silently waiting for him to explain. then he rewinded it to a part and played these few lines again...

"You act like you don't need nobody else

And you dance like you don't need nobody else

And all the other moths need light To circle round

while you just fly

Around yourself"

i think i've gotten to the point where i know how to balance "stacy" and "leyla". the Lord has been so faithful to point me in the direction with a clear understanding of where i feel He has me. and in doing that i have grown into my own skin. i feel like i really am finally at a place where i am happy to be me, and content in it. i feel like now i am moving on to the next battle within myself. my issue of independence and control.

when tanner played me those lines again, it hit me hard. no one was supposed to be able to see through my walls. no one was supposed to be able to tell that i ACT like im fine by myself. but t did, and he called me out on it. and 2 years later, because of alot of different circumstances in my life, im finally owning up to it. and i feel, im only scratching the surface of some deeper rooted issue.

i've been seeing, through a few relationships i have with specific people, that theres alot of things im holding onto that i have GOT to surrender to the Lord. my pride, my plan (you'd think i'd have learned this one by now haha), my emotions, my thoughts, my needs, my desires...

i think sometimes i think that if people knew i needed them, like really needed them, then they would see me as weak and insecure. when really, i need them because they encourage me, the uplift me, and they make me a better person. i think vulnerability scares the crap out of me because it'll let people see how needy i am. and i dont like thinking im a needy person.

but is that really a bad thing? i dont know... i think sometimes it can be good to know someone needs you in their life.

what it boils down to is a pride issue. and i think that is something i am going to struggle with my whole life. its my pride that doesnt want me to admit i cant do everything on my own. its pride that keeps me from letting people see me broken. its pride that keeps me from telling people closest to me that i need them. its pride that makes me "act like i dont need nobody else"...

C.S. Lewis' chapter "The Great Sin" in Mere Christianity hits the nail on the head. (go read it. its insanely good.) over christmas break, at new years conference, and all next semester- i think i know what issue ill be working on.... oh what fun!

abc.

ultimate creativity.

for those of you who dont know me that well, i love getting to create. i think thats why i love cutting hair, doing makeup, fashion and all that so much. i love painting, i love designing things, i love imagining... i just really like creating things!

i have been thinking about that alot lately and thinking about how the great artist of today think of the art they create. and some of my close friends, they are SO creative and so talented-but where do they get their inspiration from? where do i get mine from?

i get mine from people, from nature, from emotions, from memories, from life... i found this quote and in a weird way, it kind of embodies the realization i've come to. (it seems like an obvious realization but whatever)

"We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can be killed and forgotten. But 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas.i've seen people killed in the name of them; and died defending them. but you cannot touch an idea, cannot hold it or kiss it. an idea does not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love. and it is not an idea that i miss, it is a man....a man i will never forget"

-V for Vendetta

when it comes to creativeness, or imagining, or being original- all of us are inspired originalist. which, in essence, isn't true originality. Yes, you may see it in that specific way for the first time and that is original, but whatever you thought of came from an inspired source. there is only one person that is truly original. all the rest of us get our 'original ideas' from outside sources. the only artist who ever created from NOTHING is God. thats so cool! realizing this has made painting and photography and all the other stuff so much more exciting. the inspiration i get is kind of like a form of worship i guess because it is taking something the Lord has created and appreciating it for even the simplest value.

the quote above is really intriguing to me. it says we are told to remember the idea, not the man. i, like the character speaking, disagree. i think we should appreciate, enhance, and love the idea- but i think we should always remember the man. the One the idea, in its most basic form, came from.

(im going to go off on a tangent for a second and then ill get to my point.... promise.)

i love tattoos. i think that they are fascinating. i LOVE looking at people that have a ridiculous amount of tattoos. i think sleeves are legit. why? because there is something behind every drop of ink on that person. every tattoo that person has ever gotten, they have a reason. it may be a really dumb one, but theres a reason. i like going up and talking to strangers about their tattoos and asking if they'll tell me the story behind them. you'd be amazed and what some people will tell a complete stranger.

that being said, alot of them will say in some round about way that the reason they got their first tattoo was because they wanted 1. something permanent to always remind them of something or 2. they want to be a display of art.

also, as i have been in college and have been so many places in my short career, i have talked to a variety of girls. and my eyes have been opened to just how much image insecurities effect girls- every aspect of our lives. i have had conversation after conversation about self-image insecurities that lead to other really hard struggles. it breaks my heart to hear of what some of my friends have and are going through simply because they do not believe that they truly are beautiful.

to the tattooist that wants to be art, and to any girl that doesn't see herself as fearfully and wonderfully made... thats where this post is inspired from. because i think people should realize that YOU are a perfectly handcrafted, 100% original, inspired work of art.

the Lord created from nothing and in the end said "this is good". i think more people need to believe that. more girls need to see when they look in the mirror that God said not only that this is good, but numerous times he says we are created in HIS image and we were made beautiful. and i guess this isn't just for girls. guys too.

i think its so cool that now when i paint, or take a picture, or journal, or listen to music, or do anything that involves the arts, i am getting to first hand experience just one aspect of the Lords creativeness. i like that i have that in common with Him.

abc.

analogies out the wazoo.

i have a slight obsession with analogies. one day i might right an entire book on all the analogies i can think of. there is just something about making something understandable from something else that just fascinates me. actually, the first post i ever blogged on here was about the analogy of a trees roots...

this summer while on beach project, i had a friend who had an equal appreciation for analogies. we would go on analogy runs and then talk about all the ones we thought of after as encouragement for starting the day. you'd be amazed at all the analogies that can come just from running and some sunrises!

while on a run to go watch the sunrise,we had such an encouraging conversation about how no matter how dark the night it, the sunlight always eliminates the darkness. like the Psalm says, "but joy comes in the morning..." those words are so true. go watch a sunrise and tell me if your day isn't 10 times better. seeing the darkness brighten and then witnessing the gorgeous colors that come out is truly indescribable. and it is so encouraging to know that that is what the Lord has done in each believers life. that beautiful sunrise is like the beautiful transformation that takes place in a persons heart when the Lord comes in and pierces the darkness. the light always overcomes.

over thanksgiving break i got to go to the mountains and as you could probably imagine, analogies were being made left and right. (the picture above is from a sunset there, not a sunrise from this summer...)

one night while in gatlinburg, we saw this water fountain that had fire coming out of the top. and for some reason it reminded me of Romans 7 when Paul talks about when he wants to do good, evil is right there to tempt him. and it blows my mind that i can have something so incredible as the Holy Spirit in me, yet i also have such an ugly inborn nature to sin. how can 2 things so opposing come from the same source? kind of like this fire and water. they shouldn't be together, but they are.

another one that, i think, hit me the hardest was when i was shooting this tree that had the coolest looking mushrooms and moss on it. the colors were so vibrant and the dew was melting off of them so they were kind of glistening in the sunlight... it was beautiful. and i realized, thats what satan does with sin. he makes it look so appealing and easy. he makes it look like its not that bad or it wont really hurt me that much. but if i was to pick one of those mushrooms and eat it, they're poisonous and will make me seriously sick. its the same with sin. look at Adam and Eve. he took something as nutritious as fruit, made it beautiful and appealing causing Eve to question the truth she knew. how many times a day do i do that?!

another thing that i feel like has been a theme in my life recently is events or emotions that cannot be put into words. (this realization came while thinking of another analogy that is way too long to type!)

my dads birthday was last week and as i sat down to write him a letter, i realized no matter how long a letter with the most amazing adjectives and descriptive words, there was physically no way for me to express in human terms my admiration, love, and respect for my dad.

then thanksgiving day came around and we have this tradition where we go in a circle and each have these kernels of corn that represent things we are thankful for. and as i was trying to pick which 2 to say, i realized i could never put into words my love and joy that comes from being with my family and each sibling.

and while i was in the mountains, i stood there in this huge valley looking at hills after hills of gorgeous trees, animals, weeds, and flowers and could never put into words how small it made me feel. and at the same time how amazing it is to me that even with me being that small, i had the creator of all of that beauty die. just for me. because he loves me immensely. it blows my mind.

and not too long before that i was looking at the stars one night and had that same feeling of being so small yet at the same time feeling so incredibly loved by my Father.

and in coming back to auburn i went to dinner with 3 close friends that really are amazing girls. we were all sitting at dinner catching each other up on our breaks, talking about funny things that happened, just enjoying each others company... and i had this surreal moment when i sat there, listening to one of them talk about how funny the conversation we were having now is when thinking about where we all were this time last year, and i kind of wanted to cry because i am so thankful for where the Lord has me and how he got me here. was it easy? heck no techno. was it fun? not really. but now, i know my self, and my Savior in a way i never thought i would have have the most amazing friends in the world. (like ones that will stay up till 2 to hang snowflakes in the kitchen even when we both have an 8am the next morning haha!!)

i could never put into words how i feel about all that has happened in my life recently. i wish i could, but there just aren't words that could accurately portray exactly how i feel. and honestly, im kinda ok with that. i wish i could explain exactly whats going on in my heart, but in a way i think that would take away some of the excitement of it. its a joy that cannot be explained.

abc.

things i love.

with this rainy weather, its really gotten me in a sentimental mood. i dont know why. i guess because in every movie its raining when they have enlightening moments or break downs or whatever. anyways- the rain has brought more than just the cold, its brought a very happy mood for abby with it! so going into this thanksgiving break there are ALOOOOOT that i will be thankful for. some of which i can share, and others i cant. but of what i can, i thought i would!

things that i love:

my family. duh. they're the bomb diggity. being at auburn. with an 11-0 season haters! (cam and i are getting married. just so every knows. the save the dates will come out soon.) all my new friends. in auburn, from this summer, and everywhere else, getting to go to Thialand!! (blog about that to come soooooon) peppermint hot chocolate and scarves, sweet potatoe casserole, cowboy boots, being done with my nutrition class, seeing the Lord be faithful in yet another season of my life, skype so i can stay in touch with all my crazy friends, good music (mumford and sons, vitamin string quartet, andrew belle, the civil wars, rihanna, band perry... just to name a few), letters from friends in the mail, pictures. duh. fall smelling candles, my bike, a sweet new journal i got, BBQ house with the ginster, ZTA, good quotes, my bestie, painting, stumbleupon, the leaves changing, aubie, coke zero....

i could keep going. there are so many small things that i am genuinly so thankful for! and there are so many HUGE things that i could not thank the Lord enough for. theres really no point to this blog except to say that i am so blessed and so thankful for all the Lord is doing in my heart and life. i think we all have alot to be thankful for this season!

abc.