QOTW.

i think this nails the importance of evangelism and the baffling power of Gods grace.

abc.

( PS: i think i would pay a million dollars for this bracelet. maybe more...seriously)

this side of Heaven.

im reading this book called "the knowledge of the Holy" by A.W.Tozer... its pretty far over my head, so even though i started it at the beginning of this semester, i am only on chapter 7. just to give you a little perspective- the chapters are all 4 pages long.

recently, there has been so. much. going on in my life that has just been cumulating to a mass of frustration. things that im not really going to write about, but that have been a mixture of maddening, exciting, annoying, frustrating, mysterious, pin-pointing, stressful, revealing, and confusing. and when you have a couple things happen, close together, that leave you with those same emotions.... its like a volcano of emotions just waiting to erupt.

so, knowing myself and how i deal with my emotions, i've been begging the Lord to give me clarity on what he is trying to teach me right now and to find joy in all this as opposed to get pissed off and shut down like i sometimes usually do...

so the chapter that i read today was such a comfort, but also such a frustration. more so of a comfort though. its titled the Eternity of God. in it Tozier says,

"We who live in this nervous age would be wise to meditate on our lives and our days long and often before the face of God on the edge of eternity. For we are made for eternity as certainly as we are made for time, and as responsible moral beings we must deal with both... 'He hath set eternity in their hearts', said the preacher, and i think he here sets forth both glory and the misery of men. to be made for eternity and forced to dwell in time is for mankind a tragedy of huge proportions. all within us cries for life and permanence, and everything around us reminds us of mortality and change. yet that God has made us of the stuff of eternity is both a glory yet to be realized and a prophecy yet to be fulfilled...."

i love that i serve a loving Savior that knows my life. that knows my beginning. that knows my end. and that knows all that is in between. i love that knowing all that would be in between, he hung on a cross so that when my end comes- it would be a joyful day. i really do love that....

but....

i really dont like that. i really dont like that he knows my future and doesn't make certain things clear to me. i really dont like that he knew my future when i was in the past and still allowed certain things to happen. i really dont like that he knows things about me that i dont even know about myself. sometimes i feel like he is keeping my own secrets from me. i really dont like that...

earlier in the chapter Tozier spoke of Moses when he was writing Psalm 90 and how "in it he celebrates the eternity of God. to him, this truth is a solid theological fact..."

Psalm 90: 12-17 has, unknowingly, been my prayer over the past few weeks. maybe even months....

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom...

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,

that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

and for as many years as we have seen evil.

Let your work be shown to your servants,

and your glorious power to their children.

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,

and establish the work of our hands upon us;

yes, establish the work of our hands!

- Psalm 90: 12-17

teach us to number our days..... so- teach me to live with eternity on my heart. knowing that the things of this world or temporary. important, but temporary. understanding that my frustration is in the flawed perfection that my soul knows it craves. the Lord has "made [me] of the stuff of eternity" so my soul longs for perfect communion with him that isn't going to come this side of heaven...

i dont really know where all this leaves me. maybe more confused than when i sat down. but also more encouraged and, maybe, not alot, but a little less frustrated than when i sat down too.

abc.

who wouldn't want to come home?

i got to take ellie jane on a date last week to eat at moes, get her nails done, eat ice cream, and then play chase in the leaves.. oh my gosh it was so fun! (please excuse my obnoxious voice ha)

Ellie Jane playing her favorite game with Grandaddy...

if you ask john a question he replies with THE. CUTEST. "i dont know"...

who wouldn't want to come home to this?! i love these little stinkers so much!

there are more videos coming, so stay tuned!

abc.

meatballs and pinterest.

this whole semester me and some of my international friends have been wanting to get together and cook authentic "where you came from" meals. so, last week we started with Turkey! my sweet friend Burcu (i call her "B" because i cannot pronounce her name correctly ha) came and cooked us a DELICIOUS* meal! it is her mom's secret recipe and is SO GOOD.

i loved getting to watch the different techniques and ingredients that they use!

this is Mika (on the Left) and she is from Japan, and the Burcu (on the Right) who is from Turkey!

while we were eating, they started asking questions about american weddings and engagement rings. they did not understand why the engagement ring was such a big deal... Mika asked "so, american girls, you marry for ring? not man?" i laughed pretty hard, because sadly... sometimes i think girls idolize the actual wedding so much that they look over big flags in the relationship.

we had so much fun explaining the wedding process from each of our countries together. they wanted to see pictures.... so OF COURSE i pulled up pintrest (maybe a greater procrastination tool than facebook) and showed them pin-board after pin-board of wedding stuff. they LOVED it and i am proud to say that there are now 2 more pinners in this world :)

i am so unbelievably thankful for these two! we also had 2 other friends come over, but by then we were having so much fun hanging out, that we forgot to take pictures!

Burcu is coming with my family for thanksgiving and will be in for quite the surprise... we are headed to good ole Carbon Hill for the day and she is in for a big taste of southern cookin' and country livin'!! pictures to come for. sure.

abc.

QOTW.

abc.

thank goodness.

you know how sometimes you just need to get away and clear your head? well, one of the (numerous) perks of college is.... you can. so, i did. i called up a good friend, grabbed my precious baby angle a.k.a my camera, and hit the road...

this is my favorite one... the fact that it was raining only added to my perfect get away. it made the music playing just that much better...

after we left our friendly little cows, we were driving and stumbled across this glorious little hide away that we will MOST DEFINITELY be visiting again!

and, HOLY ANALOGIES my head was spinning.

i love shooting with people that get the whole analogies side of things. we had so many awesome talks as we were taking pictures about why we love each one we took and what we were thinking about each one... i love it when someone else just gets it.

we wrapped the night up at my sweet Aunt BeBe's house, in rocking chairs, eating some homemade chili, listening to the rain and just relaxing. seriously the most perfect thing i could have asked for!

i am so thankful for so many things. for my awesome parents and their wisdom, my legit friends and their love, my rockstar of a family and their support, my bad-a camera and its perfection, my itunes and its soothingness (because yes, thats a word), and my apartment for its hominess. and so, so, so, soooo much more.

abc.

get. in. my. belly.

to wrap up the end of our semester, my bible-study girls came over and we had a thanksgiving/christmas party! and every person in the world needs to make these... they are to. die. for.

here is the recipe. i recommend cooking it with friends, for some reason it made them even better!

Pioneer Woman Recipe

of course we had to get in the christmas spirit with a little bieber christmas fever!

so i copped out on the feel-super-domestic-and-make-everything-from-scratch thing and bought pre-made cream cheese frosting... SO GOOD.

they were so pretty! even without the frosting!

but O.M.G. with the frosting, they are heavenly!

like i said, they seem to taste better when made with friends, so i highly recommend you get some friends, get some mix, and get some music, and get cookin'!

abc.

QOTW.

i want to do what im made for...

abc.

?

there are so many things i would rather be doing, or rather be at than here....

how nice would it be to be sitting on that porch, cuddled up in a quilt, sippin' on some hot chocolate with my family all around?

sounds pretty nice, right? i don't know if its because im sitting in a coffee shop, pretty cold, and listening to bon iver that im wanting to do this even more than normal, but it just sounds like it would be a litte break of heaven....

this semester i have felt SO over committed. and i have been. i like to think that i am invincible, that i can help everyone and that i need no help. i also like to think that i can do anything and everything that i want to do and need to do and do it all well.

but, even though i already knew that i cant do any of that, i still try. and this semester, i really did myself in... living in that way only breeds a greater want for dependence on someone or something - which then makes me try to be independent ever more and the cycle just keeps going....

i think i finally reached my breaking point. or, the Lord finally humbled me and showed me how everything about that excludes him, and i am now left wanting dependency more than ever before. but because i have no extended period of time, i cant fulfill that craving for dependency with quality time with Jesus so i feel like i keep looking for it in all these other things and so that brought me to this breaking point... and i dont know if its apathy, or defensiveness, or what that im feeling.... i just know im ready for a good, long, break.

i am so looking forward to this christmas break to just, simply, be. to spend time, i mean quality time, with my family. to relax. to enjoy just being. not worrying about being "on" or about responsibilities, or meetings, or dinners, or paperwork, or giving rides, or having to schedule every meal with different people, or trying to use every last second of the day so that the next day wont be as stressful even though i know, inevitably, it will be....

but the funny thing is, after about 3 days of that over christmas break, i know ill be sick of relaxing, and ill be DYING to be busy again. i will be trying to figure out friends i could grab a meal with, ill be doing everything i can to be in the midst of hecticness and chaos because i love it.

so thinking about a whole month of a break has brought me to some funny questions about myself. questions that i dont really even know how to word, because i dont really know what im trying to ask. i've just recently come across so many paradoxical things in my way of thinking and its been fascinating...

lately, as in the last 3ish months, i have been wanting to go on a sabbatical of some sort. all on my own. anywhere. just to pack the bare essentials and go. there are so. many. things. going on in my head and my heart that i cannot, for the life of me, figure out. and it just seems like it makes since to get away. to get away from every influence surrounding me, and sometimes i feel like suffocating me, and just... i dont know.... figure me out.

oh what i would give to be in that jeep, bon iver blaring, chunky scarf on, camera in hand, cell phone off, with those mountains in sight, knowing i was about to spend some much needed time with Jesus, my bible, my journal, and myself....

figuring yourself out is a strange thing. everyone wants to figure themselves out, but you know you will never be able to since you are always changing, but you still do everything you can. you try to put it in words, you try to talk it through... and right when you think you have it- life throws a curve ball and changes you, maybe a big change and maybe a small change, but a change happens because life happened. and then your left back at square one, wondering....

who am i? how did i get here? am i who i want to be? am i doing what i want most to be doing?

abc.

you wont regret watching this.

read. this.

http://mixmingleglow.com/blog/?p=1358

as we go into the thanksgiving and christmas season, i think that this is something everyone should do. think if you were on the receiving end of this.... how much better would it make your day? and, better yet, what if you were on the giving end of this? how joyful would you feel knowing you put a huge, grateful smile on someone elsesface? i wish this wasn't something that we had to THINK to do, but that we just did.... something to think about.

abc.

QOTW.

abc.

LOL-ing. for real.

(and for those of you ole folks who read this blog.... this is what it it referencing:)

Happy Mondougie!!

abc.

QOTW.

(i wish this quote was set on a more aesthetically appealing background.. but whatever.)

makes ya think, doesn't it?

abc.