Friday, December 23, 2011

that one hurt.

(sorry about the spacing... don't know whats wrong...)
getting kicked in the butt is not a fun thing, especially when the Lord does it. because you just feel so stupid afterwards! i work for/blog for a company called Nations Outfitters and the title i was given to blog about this month is "Gratefulness"... oh. my. humility. it was a rough one.


its ironic to me that i am blogging on a blog that is all about the changing seasons that we encounter all around us. changing seasons of fashion, of life, of relationships, of actual seasons... the list goes on. this post is coming from a girl who is in the midst of one of those changes and cannot seem to find joy or gratefulness in it... well, until today. i am a senior in college, graduating soon with a degree in something that in no way inspires, ignites, or interests me, single, and wanting to do the Lords will but having NO. CLUE. what that is.

so, i am frustrated. im anxious. and i am having a hard time believing the truths that the Lord promises me.

" blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might.
He changes times and seasons;
he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding;
he reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what is in the darkness and the light dwells with him

- Daniel 2:20-22

"when the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth,
for he will not speak on his own authority,
but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that to come.
He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine an declare it to you..."
- John 16: 13-14

"trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us"
- Psalm 62: 8

and the ever so popular and oh so comforting Jeremiah 29:11-14,

"for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans for welfare and not for evil,
to give you a future and a hope.
then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you, declares the Lord..."

why? because...

"i have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore i have continued my faithfulness to you..."
- Jeremiah 31:3

how can i be so quick to listen to the lies Satan feeds me instead of claiming the freedom that comes through Jesus Christ? how can i be so anxious and ungrateful when i have something this firm and unwavering to take hold of during times of uncertainty? it wasn't until i was reading today though that i got this FIRM kick in the booty.

all during this Christmas break i have tried to get in the word, i have listen to a fair number of sermons, i have prayed, i have balled my eyes out, i have pouted, i have taken my frustration out on the ones closest to me (namely, my sweet mom), and i have just been plain grumpy. i had not a speck of perspective, of gratitude, of humility, or of trust because i am freaking out about all the uncertainty's in my life.

i am reading the Chronicles of Narnia and am on the 3rd book right now, "The Horse and His Boy" and in reading it today, all of this finally hit me.... (the back story is too long to tell so you should just go read all the books. if anything will get you excited for Jesus coming back, these books will.)

"dont you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta.

"there was only one lion," said the Voice

"what on earth do you mean? i've just told you there were at least two the first night, and-"

"there was only one: but he was swift on foot."

"how do you know?"

"I was the lion." and Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued."I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

"then it was you who wounded Aravis?"

"it was I."

"but what for?"

"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."

"who are you?" asked Shasta.

"Myself," said the Voice, very deep and very low so that the earth shook: and again, "Myself," loud and clear and gay: and then the third time "Myself", whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it.

- Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

i was sitting there, reading that, and slowly began to just cry.... i pictured myself as the ignorant Shasta. on this journey, that has been hard- not what he thought it would be- but he keeps going because he knows of Narnia. He has never experienced Narnia, but all that he was made for is longing desperately for Narnia. i am the same.

the Lion spoke to Shasta- telling him of the provision, the comfort, the guidance, the protection, the strength, and the intentionally that he has been giving freely to Shasta since the day he was born. i am the same.

and after hearing all this, all Shasta can see is the bad! why did the Lion hurt his friend?! i am the same. why did the Lion hurt my pride? hurt my own plans?

and the Lion calls him Child. i am the same.

and my favorite is when Shasta asks who he is, the Lion says Myself, Myself, Myself... Myself - God - the voice that causes the earth to shake. Myself - Jesus - who "makes known to me the path of life" loud and clear and joyfully. and Myself - Holy Spirit - who whispers so softly you can hardly hear it, yet so certainly that things are moved by it.

gratefulness? that doesn't even begin to describe it. but its a start. this Christmas season, and really every day for that matter, lets pray for grateful hearts. thanking our Father who is both a Lion and a Lamb. who speaks clearly and whispers softly. who causes fear/pain/hard times to spur us on. who provides those pushes to safety that we are unaware of. who protects us even while we sleep. who comforts us in this dying world. and who died for us because of His great love for us.

here is the link to the blog - i highly recommend you check out all the writers and


Thursday, December 15, 2011

i think i'll go...

this christmas break has been filled with thinking.
thinking about serious things and thinking about dream-ish things....

i am pretty certain my google search bar thinks that i am psychotic.
if you look at my past search history it will read:

- jobs in Denver, CO
- Grad schools for education
- fashion jobs in L.A.
- Apt costs in Jackson Hole, WY
- Campus Outreach
- photography internships
- YWAM international
- Journeymen IMB
- culinary schools in Chicago

those are all on the same track.... right?


Tuesday, December 13, 2011


oh michael scott, how i miss you.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


this has been one of the biggest blessings in my life this semester and has been a window to see the Lord specifically answer my prayers about community, evangelism, and an on-going understanding of His call on my life.

im so glad that Beth Anne made this video so that you could all get a glimpse into the incredible community that is here at Auburn.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011



Monday, December 5, 2011



Saturday, December 3, 2011

all i need.

today, this is all i need. forever, this is what i need...

"For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you...
Because I was sure of this, I wanted to come to you first,
so that you might have a second experience of grace.
I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia, and to come back to you from Macedonia and have you send me on my way to Judea. Was I vacillating when I wanted to do this?
Do I make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say “Yes, yes” and “No, no” at the same time?
As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No. For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes.
For all the promises of God find their Yes in him.
That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.
And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.
But I call God to witness against me—it was to spare you that I refrained from coming again to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith.
(2 Corinthians 1:12-24 ESV)


"'Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.'

For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”
when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, “Be gone!”
And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous.
In that day your livestock will graze in large pastures, and the oxen and the donkeys that work the ground will eat seasoned fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and fork.
And on every lofty mountain and every high hill there will be brooks running with water, in the day of the great slaughter, when the towers fall. Moreover, the light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, as the light of seven days, in the day when the LORD binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow."

(Isaiah 30:18-26 ESV)

words cannot explain the sweetness of those words. the Lord is abundantly faithful.