Sunday, October 30, 2011

give me sight, o savior.

"Give me a sight O Saviour
Of Thy wondrous love to me
Of the love that brought Thee down to earth
To die on Calvary

O make me understand it
Help me to take it in
What it meant to Thee,
the Holy One
To bear away my sin

"Was it the nails O Saviour
That bound Thee to the tree
No 'twas Thine everlasting love
Thy love for me, for me

O wonder of all wonders
That through Thy death for me
My open sins, my secret sins
Can all forgiven be

Then melt my heart O Saviour
Bend me and break me down
Until I own Thee Conqueror
and Lord and Sovereign Crown."

- give me a sight o savior



such a beautiful song. such an awesome musician. such perfect study music.


Thursday, October 27, 2011



Wednesday, October 26, 2011

get out of my way.

do you ever get swamped with stuff so you start making list after list to manage getting it all done? well, i dont usually, but these next few weeks i am... starting yesterday. i came to the library tonight with 5 very specific things i was going to get done. i was going to come, get them done as efficiently as i could, then get the heck out of here.

then, the Holy Spirit got in my way.

i was leaving the computer with a stack of papers (freshly hole-punched and stapled mind you) in my hands, b-lining it for the 4th floor to the quiet zone. i have an outline to get done, so people you betta move outta my way.

as i was briskly walking off, i hear someone call my name. i turn around and put on my best stressed-out-so-stay-away face and say oh. hey.

they dont take the hint and precede to tell me about an incredible conversation they had with one of their muslim friends the night before. the whole time they are talking, all i can think about is 'would you take 5 seconds and realize that i have things to do and dont give a crap about what you are saying right now?!'

and then.... boom. conviction central.

i never want to get so consumed with my check list, my pointless, stupid, to-do list that i see the Holy Spirit as an inconvenience to my day.

i began to pray that the Lord would give me the ability to, for once in my life, compartmentalize and block out my list of things that i had to do, and listen to my friend as they poured out their heart.

the Lord is so sweet. what encouragement, what challenges they presented me with, and what light was shown to me in those 10 min. the Lord interrupted my day, and though i begged for Him to get out of the way, He, in His great goodness, showed me more of Himself and gave me a sweet reminder of how powerful the Gospel is.

i am so thankful that the Gospel is good news.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

heart vomit.

i came to study hours with the sole intent of starting a huge paper that i have next tuesday. but, somehow, every time i try to put on my studious hat, my writing hat wants to come out and is clearly more appealing than my studious hat.

this past week and a half there have been a million and one things that i have wanted to write about. to get out of my system and process in some form or fashion. but because of that frustrating thing called TIME i have not had the chance. instead, i resolved to jotting down little one-liners in my phone to remind me to write about them late. the problem is - that initial inspirational burst is way past and its just not as good as it would have been if i could have just written it then.
here is just a little taste of it...


"the Lord can do more in your waiting than I could ever do in my doing..." how does this transfer to my own life? am i doing or am i waiting?

"in His presence there is FULNESS of joy"... my joy is circumstantial because my love for him is circumstantial.

if she only knew what she was singing. Lord, make these words the song of her soul. i pray, Father, that she would yearn.

(in chronological order as i am reading a chapter in the first book of The Chronicles of Narnia)
Chapter 9 sounds like what i hope heaven would be like.
im smiling in my seat thinking of this beautiful place.
hallelujah by brandi carlile comes on my ipod... how fitting.


i wish that i could give you a play by play word of all the life that is in these short lines. the Lord has been showing me so much. my fingers have literally been aching to sort through my brain and my heart...

i took one of my international friends to a concert. she is a different religion that me and i have absolutely loved getting to know her and hear all about her life. i think hearing her talk about and explain her religion is fascinating, intriguing, heart-wrenching, and thought provoking all at the same time. thoughts that i had in thailand come rushing back like they never went away... why me? God, why did you chose me? why do i get to know you and so many others do not? what would it be like NOT KNOWING anything different? would anyone ever tell me?

on the way to the concert we talk and i play some Shane&Shane to get her familiar with the band even though i only had like... 3 songs of theirs. she said she understands some of the words but not much else.

we had been in the concert around an hour, the whole time i was more nervous about if she was having fun than even really listening to the music itself. she acted like she was playing the drums in a very discrete way so i lean over and ask her if she plays.. and haha she got kind of embarrassed and said she has always wanted to play... i want to buy her a drum for christmas so bad... Shane&Shane starts playing this song and about half way through it, i hear my sweet Turkish friend singing along. so, i turn, clearly very surprised and asked how she knew the song and she simply replied 'i do not know. these words... they just came to me'

"Lord i want to yearn for You/
i want to burn with passion over You/
and only You/
Lord i want to yearn"

trigger the water works. oh that she would know what it means to BURN with passion for the Lord.

on the way back i asked her about the song and if she still remembered the words. she said the only ones she could remember were 'i want to yearn for you'. so we began to talk about what it means to yearn for something. and then it hit me... im sitting here praying for her to yearn for the Lord, but do i? do i even do what i am praying God would begin doing in others lives. am i being so prideful that i miss the lessons he is trying to teach me through other people. am i so intent on helping someone in their "weakness" that i cant see my own?

why is my joy circumstantial? i get so frustrated that i'm that girl with the curl. you know...

"there once was a girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.
and when she was good she was very, very good.
but when she was bad, she was awful."

thats me. when im good, i. am. GOOD. but, when i am down, or sad, or frustrated, or overwhelmed.... i. am. AWEFUL. (ask my mom. she can tell you first hand!) and as i have though over the things i wrote in THIS blog post a few weeks ago, i slowly began to a realization that i did not want to admit to...

it's because my joy in Christ, more so, my LOVE for Christ is circumstantial.

how unchristianly does that sound?! who wants to admit that they dont LOVE Jesus all the time? not me. but, if i did, doubt, anger, frustration, and cynicism would not be seeping out of my heart.

i want my love for Christ to be as unconditional, un-circumstantial, and un-expectant as the Lords love for me is. He loves me under no conditions, no specific circumstances, and no expectations. it is pure love at its truest form. i want that. i want to give that. and i beg that the Lord keep revealing these nasty crevices in my heart that i like to burry my sin in.


i leave the one of the most boring classes ever, stressed to the max about school and all the last minuet details for our social tonight. thinking... i just want to escape. for 10 min, i just want to not think about any of this crap. so, i go to the student center, find a chair in a corner where no one will see me and thus interrupt me, put in head phones, and open up The Chronicles of Narnia. i keep turning pages and slowly begin getting sucked out of this world to another one. becoming the characters themselves. my heart speeding up a little as i jump into a pool that leads to another world... and then i come to the most magical and refreshing words i have read in a long time....

"Far away, and down near the horizon, they sky began to turn grey. A light wind, very fresh, began to stir. The sky, in that one place, grew slowly and steadily paler. you could see shapes of hills standing up dark against it. all the time the Voice went on singing... the Cabby and the two children had open mouths and shining eyes; they were drinking in the sound, and they looked as if it reminded them of something... the eastern sky changed from white to pink and from pink to gold. the Voice rose and rose, till all the air was shaking with it. and just as it swelled to mightiest and most glorious sound it had yet produced, the sun arose..."

i stop here and realize im smiling as i read this. for some reason, all the stress of everything going on in my life had completely gone away and i caught this thought racing across my mind... i think this is what i hope heaven is like. it sounds magical, peaceful, and powerful... i look down and keep reading..

"[the sun] you could imagine that it laughed for joy as it came up. and as its beams shot across the land the travelers could see for the first time what sort of place they were in...the earth was of many colors: they were fresh, hot and vivid. they made you feel excited; until you saw the Singer himself, and then you forgot everything else. it was a Lion..."
- The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis

if that doesn't get you jacked up for Heaven, i dont know what will. being in the full presence of Jesus. where there is FULNESS of joy. and the complete absence of anything evil. what an unfathomable day that will be!


sadly, right as i got to that part of the book, my alarm went off, reminding me to go to THE most boring class ever. literally, THE MOST BORING. ever.

but, i went in a totally different way than i was before sitting down and escaping this world for a little while. i went having been momentarily reminded of why i am here. why i am in these boring classes. why i am breathing air in and out as i type right now.

i went knowing that i am living in this temporary world. full of evil witches, traps, and temptations. and though it can be as cold as a place that has not experienced the warmth of the sun in centuries, i cling to the promise that Aslan is on the move.

i live in light of the future glory. the hope to come. and i find joy - uncircumstantial joy - in the knowledge that my Father has sent Mr. and Mrs. beavers', Mr. Thomas's, special weapons, and brothers and sisters to fight through this temporary world with me.

so i left that table with a challenge...

am i fighting to get by, or am i fighting in light of my King?


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

its the most wonderful time of the year.

its fall y'all! does it get any better than this? no, i dont think that it does.

cozy, outdoors, crackling fires, s'mores, colorful, wool socks, scarves, boots, big coats, fuzzy blankets, bonding time with friends, seeing your breath, crispness, smiles, hot chocolate, movie nights, down vests, mountains, layering, flannel, quilts, soup and stew, snuggling....

think about it... all these things are what people think of when they think of fall. and that is a beautiful thing.

easily my most favoritest season of all.


sometimes i get legitimately frustrated with picking the QOTW. it can be extremely difficult to decide which quote best encompasses how you feel or what youre thinking... so this was the winner of a toss up between 3 others. because, lets be real... it just kinda puts a smile on your face!

happy hump day!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

it just aint my thang.

this is how i have felt all week...
(ps. how PRECIOUS is this picture!? so. much. joy.)
you know how some people are like 'ya, im just not a school person...'? well, they dont know what they are talking about. i, i am NOT a school person. i just want to hang out with people and love on people all day. let me just tell you how much i LOVE not having school work to do! this has been the most phenomenal week because i have had NO SCHOOL WORK to stress about! i. love. it.

i have gotten to sit and enjoy lunch with some awesome friends and not worry about looking over notes, i have gotten to go watch wedding crashers and modern family while stuffing my face with cookies only then to head to the river with some friends and go midnight swimming (yes, i think i might have gotten hypothermia... totally worth it), i have gotten to run because i wanted to and not because if i didn't i would literally go insane, i have gotten to wake up when i want and cook breakfast, drink my coffee in my pj's and spend time with Jesus, i have gotten to go thrifting, AND i have gotten to skype with some pretty baller people.

that is a whole paragraph of awesomeness that doesn't get to happen when school does. so, i have a proposition! there should be 1 week every month where college is college, but with no school. i know, i know... CRAZY! but, just think about it for a bit and then get back to me. i really think we are on to something here!


Monday, October 10, 2011



Monday, October 3, 2011

waa waa waaaaaa.

i wish i could trade places with that screaming baby right now so that it wouldn't be completely dramatic to start balling my eyes out wailing at the top of my lungs.

just hear me out...
5 tests is WAY too much for 1 week
9 chapters is WAY too much for 1 test
and 7 hours is WAY too long for this 1 girl to sit still.

on a brighter note, books a millions playlist is ballin and their chi tea latte is deeelish.

happy monday!