sometimes i really hate growing in my walk with the Lord.
i know that sounds dramatic, but it gets exhausting when you feel like you are seeing sin after sin after sin. and then it leads to an almost helpless mindset where you're like... am i ever going to be 'good'? whatever good is?
like i've said before, i think i am in the middle of the sifting part of my heart. working through every grain that makes up my existence. and in doing that it has been so hard, so humbling, and yet still so freeing.
one thing that i am seeing over and over again is that my joy is completely circumstantial.
i can't really elaborate on that, because there is not much more to be said about it except that i hate that. my prayer is that the Lord continue humbling me, putting me in the hottest part of the flame, and refining me. because as much as i hate it, i also love growing in my walk with the Lord. i love discovering new truths about him because i know that it leads to freedom.
in this- it leads to the freedom from a fleeting and false joy. it leads to the freedom of not having to fear certain situations because i know my God is greater. and it leads to the freedom that comes in living in the will of God, counting it all joy when i face trails of any kind.