Friday, December 23, 2011

that one hurt.

(sorry about the spacing... don't know whats wrong...)
getting kicked in the butt is not a fun thing, especially when the Lord does it. because you just feel so stupid afterwards! i work for/blog for a company called Nations Outfitters and the title i was given to blog about this month is "Gratefulness"... oh. my. humility. it was a rough one.


its ironic to me that i am blogging on a blog that is all about the changing seasons that we encounter all around us. changing seasons of fashion, of life, of relationships, of actual seasons... the list goes on. this post is coming from a girl who is in the midst of one of those changes and cannot seem to find joy or gratefulness in it... well, until today. i am a senior in college, graduating soon with a degree in something that in no way inspires, ignites, or interests me, single, and wanting to do the Lords will but having NO. CLUE. what that is.

so, i am frustrated. im anxious. and i am having a hard time believing the truths that the Lord promises me.

" blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might.
He changes times and seasons;
he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding;
he reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what is in the darkness and the light dwells with him

- Daniel 2:20-22

"when the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth,
for he will not speak on his own authority,
but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that to come.
He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine an declare it to you..."
- John 16: 13-14

"trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us"
- Psalm 62: 8

and the ever so popular and oh so comforting Jeremiah 29:11-14,

"for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans for welfare and not for evil,
to give you a future and a hope.
then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you, declares the Lord..."

why? because...

"i have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore i have continued my faithfulness to you..."
- Jeremiah 31:3

how can i be so quick to listen to the lies Satan feeds me instead of claiming the freedom that comes through Jesus Christ? how can i be so anxious and ungrateful when i have something this firm and unwavering to take hold of during times of uncertainty? it wasn't until i was reading today though that i got this FIRM kick in the booty.

all during this Christmas break i have tried to get in the word, i have listen to a fair number of sermons, i have prayed, i have balled my eyes out, i have pouted, i have taken my frustration out on the ones closest to me (namely, my sweet mom), and i have just been plain grumpy. i had not a speck of perspective, of gratitude, of humility, or of trust because i am freaking out about all the uncertainty's in my life.

i am reading the Chronicles of Narnia and am on the 3rd book right now, "The Horse and His Boy" and in reading it today, all of this finally hit me.... (the back story is too long to tell so you should just go read all the books. if anything will get you excited for Jesus coming back, these books will.)

"dont you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta.

"there was only one lion," said the Voice

"what on earth do you mean? i've just told you there were at least two the first night, and-"

"there was only one: but he was swift on foot."

"how do you know?"

"I was the lion." and Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued."I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

"then it was you who wounded Aravis?"

"it was I."

"but what for?"

"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."

"who are you?" asked Shasta.

"Myself," said the Voice, very deep and very low so that the earth shook: and again, "Myself," loud and clear and gay: and then the third time "Myself", whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it.

- Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

i was sitting there, reading that, and slowly began to just cry.... i pictured myself as the ignorant Shasta. on this journey, that has been hard- not what he thought it would be- but he keeps going because he knows of Narnia. He has never experienced Narnia, but all that he was made for is longing desperately for Narnia. i am the same.

the Lion spoke to Shasta- telling him of the provision, the comfort, the guidance, the protection, the strength, and the intentionally that he has been giving freely to Shasta since the day he was born. i am the same.

and after hearing all this, all Shasta can see is the bad! why did the Lion hurt his friend?! i am the same. why did the Lion hurt my pride? hurt my own plans?

and the Lion calls him Child. i am the same.

and my favorite is when Shasta asks who he is, the Lion says Myself, Myself, Myself... Myself - God - the voice that causes the earth to shake. Myself - Jesus - who "makes known to me the path of life" loud and clear and joyfully. and Myself - Holy Spirit - who whispers so softly you can hardly hear it, yet so certainly that things are moved by it.

gratefulness? that doesn't even begin to describe it. but its a start. this Christmas season, and really every day for that matter, lets pray for grateful hearts. thanking our Father who is both a Lion and a Lamb. who speaks clearly and whispers softly. who causes fear/pain/hard times to spur us on. who provides those pushes to safety that we are unaware of. who protects us even while we sleep. who comforts us in this dying world. and who died for us because of His great love for us.

here is the link to the blog - i highly recommend you check out all the writers and


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