Tuesday, May 25, 2010


recently i feel like i have been bombarded with "love". everywhere i turn someone is falling in love, or meeting the love of their life, or "falling out of love" or some new movie is all about finding THE one... its everywhere! i dont know how i feel about this.

love is such a cool thing to me. i LOVE alot of things. and because of that i dont think i really have a great idea of what love really is.

i LOVE.... the Lord, my family, my friends, sports, being competitive, fashion, neon nail polish, pepper and bear, gossip girl, watches, the lake, chealsey, couture designers, wofford, long hair, swimming, tennis, concerts, auburn, anthropologie, being barefoot, driving by myself, tattoos, roller coasters, the ocean, sun, being outside, shoes!!, makeup, mudding, channel, people watching, dancing, pictures, my new camera, lightening bugs, my home, the smell of rain, braids, my past, tubing, rihanna, new york, bonfires, one tree hill, jimmy choo's, what not to wear, facebook, piercings, creativeness, storms, drive-in movie theaters, music, m.a.c., crazy imaginations, drive-by truckers, rap music, painting, star gazing, holding little babies, day dreaming..... and SO much more.

and if i was to list off the people that i LOVE.... i dont think this entire blog would allow a list so long.

but how can one word be used to describe how i feel about each of those things? and how can one word be used to describe how i feel about the Lord, to how i feel about each individual family member, to each individual friend, to how i feel about a tv show, to how i feel about facebook?! its just kind of confusing.

love is a complicated word... i love it.

one of my friends kinda hints at this in her BLOG. reading this was the tip of the iceberg for me. this was after seeing Letters To Juliet, listening to Paramores new song The Only Exception, and then watching The Bachelorette... i feel like every movie i see and every song i hear is about falling in or out of love. its almost exhausting. no wonder girls start planning their weddings at the age of 2. our culture bombards us with this idea of love.

for so many people my age i think they think of love as this:

i meet this DROP DEAD GORGEOUS man, hit it off instantly. go on like 2 dates, maybe 3 and then it hits me.... he is THE one. no doubt about it. i mean he is smart (so far), he is HANDSOME (utmost importance), he make me laugh, he says he loves his family. im sold. we are getting married. and good thing because i have had my wedding ready for the past 18 years. then a couple months later he gets down on one knee and opens that beautiful tiffany's blue box and BOOM. 2 karat diamond glistening in the candle lit room. then we get married and have a perfect family and live in this beautiful house and its just all smiles all the time. oh and when i wake up every morning, my hair is PERFECT, i have delicious smelling breath, and i am just so happy to be waking up.

seriously. that is what EVERY movie is like. forget reality. forget any normal-life happening. its so unrealistic. so whats my point? i want to know what real love is. i want to experience it. i want my life to be changed because of this "love" that is being thrown at me from every side.

i do get glimpses and tastes of what i think real love is. and i LOVE it when that happens....

the other day my mom, me and my little brother tanner were in the car at a red light. and tanner said the most typical, random, and hilarious thing. he said "sometimes i just wish everyone would die and i could be the only person left on earth to do whatever i want"

(disclaimer... you have to know tanner to understand why i say this is typical. it is NOT typical because he said he wishes everyone would die. its typical because when he said it, he was meaning and thinking something totally different)

he then goes on to clarify and say "if i had the whole world to my self i would just walk down 280 with a huge riffle in my hand and hunt all the time. it'd be so awesome."

i said "if i had the whole world to myself, i would have saks 5th avenue as my closet, and i would have as many christian louboutins as i wanted! gaaaah that would be so awesome."

we both looked at my mom and asked her what she would do if she had the WHOLE world to herself and she laughed and thought for a little while then said, "you know, if i had the whole world to myself i would just want your dad. for me, nothings fun without him"

thats love.

thats this feeling, emotion, life-changing thing that is all around me. except thats what it really is. none of that "oh everything is so perfect and i always look this good" love, but the unconditional, everlasting, true love. thats the kind of love that moves people to tears. and thats the kind of love i want to know.

and i want to know that love in many different ways. im not just talking about with my Issac although i desperately want to know love in that way, but in so many other areas of my life. i want to know that kind of love with my Father, Jesus Christ. i want my life to be changed because of my deep, deep, love for him. i want the relationships i have with each sibling and family member to be an overflow of this kind of love. and i want to love my friends in that way. i want the relationships that i have to have that kind of real love surrounding them. i want my life to be lived fulfilling the passions i have because i truly LOVE doing them.

i dont know all the ways that love can be explained. i am definitely no expert. i am still trying to figure out what love means to me. but i know for a fact that love is not what it is in the movies or in the lyrics of songs.

what my mom said in the car, thats love. after 30 years.... thats an unconditional, everlasting, life-changing love. what God did for me and for you on the cross, that is an unconditional, everlasting, life-changing love. that is the love that i want to define my life.

so. after 20 years, i have a fairly good understanding of what love is. i know of what Christ did for me on the cross, but i want to be moved to tears because of that display of love. and i have seen marriages that exemplify this love, and i know of the sincere love that my family and friends have for me and that i have for them.... i've seen and experienced love, but i cant wait till i REALLY experience it. i cant wait till i know what love, in every aspect of the word is. i cannot wait for the day to come when i can say "now this.... this is love."


1 comment:

  1. abs - so glad you're writing...you really have a gift of seeing through facades to what is most important in all kinds of situations and with all kids of people.
    i love...this post :)
    and you!