inspired by life.

well- i have been very inspired to blog lately, but i literally have had no time. so here i am.. finally catching up. so many things have been happening in my heart and in my life. i know this sounds cheesy, but life has been inspiring me to write so much. i have been journaling my really personal thoughts but i just have so much that i dont ever want to forget. its hard to keep up when time is so relentless to slow down. even as im typing im trying to make sure there isn't something better i should be doing with this time. (because everyone knows how great i am at time management....)

this whole post is (as the title infers) me coming to grips that i, and all my friends, are growing up SO fast. it is cra-zyy. my best friend turned 22 this week! and my little brother (who i still picture playing in the mud at age 3) turned 17. what happened to that time?

since i couldn't be home for tanners birthday, this coming weekend is all about him.. im so excited to get to spend alot of time with him and the rest of the fam. but since my bestie was here- i celebrated her 22 years with her.

iz and i have gone through so much together. up and downs just like any other set of best friends. but what i love so much is that we have gotten to really grow up together. yes in the literal meaning but also in maturity. we have been running together since the most immature of our days.. i am so blessed and thankful to have a best friend that i know i can go to and say anything to and she will TOTALLY, 100% understand what im trying to say even when it comes out like another language. we have this joke that "it makes since up there" and thats the only way i can explain my friendship with her.... i could never put it into words- but for the both of us, its simple. we besties. and it makes since to us two... up there! (her turning 22 is reminder # 1 million that time is going way too fast)

Happy 22nd Birthday iz. i love you so much and would be totally lost without you.

speaking of being lost without someone... my mom pulled a major 'mom of the year' for me this past week and it was so fun/meant so much to me. me and some of my friends decided to have over the new baby ZTA's to get to know them better... because our house is ballin' i volunteered to have a pot-luck dinner at my house. so we did what every kid these days does to make something official- we sent out the good ole facebook group invite and all picked something to bring.

i then, of course, call my mom in a frantic tizzy because after volunteering to make her oh-so-delicious mexican lasagna, i realize i have no flippin idea how to even begin making that dish. she, being the most amazing mom i know, just decided to make it a day trip and come cook with me. it was great. i got to spend most of the afternoon with her teaching me her tricks and recipes and how to take care of left overs... it was so fun! (and reminder #2 million and 1 that i am growing up way too fast)

this is the kitchen after being taken over by my mom and i... i must brag here for a second and say it was the best dang mexican lasagna i've had yet and all my friends kept telling me what a fantastic cook i was. to which i just chuckled and said, 'thank my mom!'

mom- thanks so much for coming down. it meant so much to me :)

ever since then though i have this idea stuck in my head that im freakin Betty Crocker. i cant go into the kitchen without wanting to cook something. its ridiculous. and keep in mind- i am in college, in a house with 8 girls, and absolutely zero cooking supplies. so when i decide i want to cook something it is quickly overruled because that means 1 of 3 things...

1. i have to go out and buy about $35-40 dollars worth of stuff to even be able to make it

2. i will dirty up the kitchen, which means i have to clean it

3. i will have to eat all of it at one sitting because i never remember that i have leftovers.

or all of the above.

however. i have found 1 thing that i can make, feel like im a profesh cook while making it, that can be easily devoured by 1 to 3 girls within 5 min and seems to always spark good conversation.... introducing my friend guac.

i love making it. i like to pretend that i am Rachel Ray on my own cooking show. i can chop, mix, pinch this, and tid-bit that, all i want... i legit get so into it. its actually pretty embarrassing. but i really do go all out... i went to kroger (where i saved $10.53 from my kroger card... im SO proud) and got fresh avocados, bell peppers, onions, cilantro, tomatoes, and limes and made my own little concoction....
i chopped me up some bell peppers and baby tomatoes...

...and mixed till my little heart was happy and then pigged. out.

something so fun that i did this week was go and see Easy A. go see it. it is SO funny! katie, iz, and i went and saw it and not only was it hilarious, but the whole experience was pretty eventful. iz and i got there early to save seats and katie was going to meet us there. well you know how there are always those people that decide to be the most difficult people on the planet? well they ALL got together and decided to be in 1 movie theater all at the same time. it was ridiculous.

of allllll the seats in the theater, this group of girls come and plops right in front of iz and i where we CLEARLY have our feet. then another group of girls comes and sit directly next to me. and i get stuck next to sickly sally who is blowing her nose every 3 minuets while also chomping on her popcorn which she so conveniently kicks over, quite loudly, half way through the movie. it was wooounderful.

really though- it was so funny because iz and i were just being rude and ridiculous right back. im surprised there was no fight.

(speaking of fighting- i got a personal trainer. i want to fight her because i am so sore.)

on a more serious note- the Lord has been so faithful to me. just within these past 2 weeks i have felt so close to the Lord. he has provided thing after thing that has reminded me of his great goodness. through the relationships i have with so many dear friends, to small encouragement's throughout this week, to just really sweet times in the Word with Him... he continues to reveal himself to me in new and neat ways.

he continues to bring people in my life that i am so incredibly thankful for. if you know me at all- you know relationships run my life. i am ALL ABOUT the relationship with a person. and the Lord has seriously blessed me with the most incredible relationships. with new friends, old friend, and life-long friends that seem almost like family. i have gotten to be so encouraged while skyping with my far-away friends, challenged by talking with my new friends, and i have just been so content with everything. the Lord really is so good.

there is only one area in my life right now that is anything but peaceful. there is this huge piece of my heart busting at the seem to unleash itself but it cant and i dont know how or when it will be able to. lately the Lord has given me such a desire to go overseas. i want to GO. i want to go so bad. i want to take a stand in my faith and get cultural experience. i want to get out of this bubble that i have known my whole life. i want to be rudely awakened. i want to experience life as i've never known it. i want to taste, i want to see, i want a tangible grasp, i want new colors, i want new sunsets, i want new faces... i want a new culture. i want to be 100% immersed in the cultural identity of something i have never even dreamed of. i want to get out and go. and i am praying that the Lord shows me where and how because i feel like i am going to suffocate if i dont get out...

welp. thats a recap on this crazy life of mine. 'till next time.....

abc.

all-nighter.

well, i pulled my first all-nighter tonight. my first one in all of college and i can safely say, i hope this is the last. all my eyes want to do is shut. if i don't do well on all these test i am just going to disobey this 'no sugar september' thing and eat a snickers and a blue powerade slushy from sonic because thats really all i want right now! back to studying!

abc.

delirious.

i have been doing homework since 10:30 am. it is now 10:37 pm. i had a 15 min lunch break and then about an 1 hour and 30 min dinner break.... thats approx 10 hours of homework. ON A SATURDAY. i am not ok with this, college.

abc.

reminder.

for our long weekend i got to go to the lake with some awesome, awesome friends. it was so much fun and a much needed break.

the whole weekend we just hung out and enjoyed getting to laugh with each other and catch up. half of us go to auburn and the other half go to samford... i love weekends like these when i get to be with the people i love regardless of how far (or not far) we live from each other.

it was so fun just laying out, dancing on the dock, telling each other funny stories, encouraging each other in Christ, and just having a girls weekend.

we also got to watch the gorgeous sunset together and soak in the beauty of that. so of course we had to throw what we know.....

my all time favorite of the weekend was that night. 4 of us went out on the roof, laid on a quilt, looked at the starts and just talked.

so many girls i have talked to recently have said "i just wish....", "i know but if i could just...", and my personal favorite "if i were just there though..." i say those lines about 8 trillion times a day. and this weekend was so good for me to be reminded that God has me and my friends exactly where he wants us.

i miss my friends that go to other schools alot. and so many times i play the what if game and think of how much easier it would be if i "were just there"... but the truth is that doesn't matter. God has me and those friends in the place that he wants me to be.

this night (in the picture below) reminded me of that. the Lord has provided me with incredibl friends here at auburn and i am SO blessed to be here- with them. and weekends like this past one are great to get to be reunited with other dear friends, but i cannot forget the incredible friends that i have with me day in and day out.

i cant wait to see what else the Lord has in store for me and all my friends.. here or at other colleges. and i cant wait for another lake trip!! (hint hint Nay Nay)

abc.

(păr'ə-dŏks').

par·a·dox n.

1. A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true
2. One exhibiting inexplicable or contradictory aspects:
3. An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises.
4. A statement contrary to received opinion.

i love the paradox in this picture. to me, it perfectly captures the way i feel i am. in this picture, from one root, there are two things growing- something alive, and something dead. both the same origin, just one is fed and one isn't.

recently i have become more and more aware of my sin and the way it takes me over. i have this burning desire to do the will of my Father, but i have this part of me that wants so badly to rebel against everything i know i am called to.

"What then shall we say? that the law is sin? by no means!

yet if it had not been for the law, i would not have known sin...

for apart from the law, sin lies dead. i once was alive apart from the law,

but when the commandment came, sin came alive and i died.

the very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me.

for sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me

and through it, killed me... did that which is good, then, bring death to me?

BY NO MEANS! it was sin, producing sin in me through what is good,

in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure... for i do not understand my own actions.

for i do not do what i want, but i do the very thing i hate...

for i have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out...

so i find it to be a law that when i want to do right, evil lies close at hand.

For i delight in the law of God, in my inner being,

but i see in my member another law WAGING WAR against the law of my mind

and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members...

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!"

Romans 7:7-8:1

romans is one of my favorite books of the bible. these truths are so evident in my life... how can something as beautiful as Christ dwell in me, and at the same time, something as hideous as sin be constantly making habitations in my heart and soul?

its hard for me not to dwell on this. i get frustrated with the Lord alot because to me, if i am asking for a good thing, why would he not want that for me? if i am asking for sin to be dealt with and for Him to sanctify me- to make me clean- why would He continue to allow sin to manifest in me? and in this questioning is where satan creeps in and plants the lie in my heart that my Father is withholding something from me....

"who shall separate us from the love of Christ?

shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ...NO, in all these things we are more than conquerors

through Him who loved us!

for i am SURE that neither death nor life,

nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come,

nor powers, nor height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from the love of God

in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:35-39

and then i am reminded of this- and all my doubt, questioning, frustration.... subsides. my God is stronger. if none of those things can separate me from His love, then no amount of my filth can either. because by Gods grace alone i am covered. and i love that paradox.

despite the filth that takes over my soul so many times a day, i am seen as beautiful and clean. perfect and pure. i am desired by my Father. it amazes me that He is still perusing my heart. i want to daily surrender to a God like that. i want to give all that i am to a ministry that clearly proclaims the beauty of Christ. i want to live a life that demonstrates this paradoxel faith-

that through death, there is immense life.

abc.

o love that will not let me go .

"O Love that will not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be."

i love just thinking and meditating over these words. they are so powerful and true. happy sunday!

abc.

9 lives?

i've decided i need 9 trillion lives to do everything i want to do or be everything i want to be. but i only have 1.... so you tube and pictures will have to suffice.

i want to be able to DANCE... like REALLY dance.

i want to be a traveling PHOTOGRAPHER

i want to be a MAKEUP-ARTIST

i want to be a MUSICIAN

i want to be a crime scene INVESTIGATOR (specifically abby... the character)

i want to be on BROADWAY

i want to go SKYDIVING in Ireland

i want to paint a picture of the GRAND CANYON.... a picture that i took..

so i want to go to the grad canyon

i want to HITCHHIKE somewhere... haven't decided where yet

(haha that was for those who are actually still looking at the links...)

i want to BACKPACK across Europe

i want to go to INDIA... so bad.

i want a HUSKY

i want to be on the RED CARPET... in this gown.

i want to have a whole day outside with absolutely NOTHING to do

i want to SCUBA DIVE in New Zealand

i want to be RIHANNA for a day

i want to ride a HOT AIR BALLOON over Cape Town... hahahah yes, i still want to despite that picture.

i want a BIG family.... hahaha

see. i need more lives.

abc.

catching up.

its been too long! so much has been going on these past 2/3 weeks that i have had NO time to just sit down and reflect. Project finished up, i came home to unpack then repack, came down to auburn for my first rush week, and now school starts....tomorrow!! life needs to slooow down!

there is so much i have to blog about i just dont know where to start...

something that has been so fun about being back is having friends here in auburn that went through the same things as me this summer. that were challenged and pushed, that are coming to school with a lot of convictions for ministry with way too many opportunities to know which ones to take and alot of other things....

last year coming back, one i was just at a really bad place in my heart, but i also had a hard time adjusting to a new place, with alot of new things spiritually that i didn't fully understand yet... now i still have things going on in my heart that im working through, but i have great friends that have seen me fight and grow all summer and are here to really push me to continue to do the same. and its my prayer that i can do the same for them.

elizabeth, also know as iz, went this summer and that has been such a huge blessing. we already spend ATON of time together and now having this summer in common, those friends in common, and just that time of growth in common, is something that i really am so thankful for. the Lord has already used her to help me with a couple situations and allowed her to really speak truth into my life. its been great!

when project ended i left with alot on my heart. i was nervous about coming back to auburn and super nervous about rush week. i really didn't know that many girls in my sorority, i had 1 day to move in... there was just alot i was nervous about. but the Lord went above and beyond.

rush week was cray cray. o my goodness. it was like a huge blur of screaming. one day i was in the chapter room for 19 hours straight... it was insanity! buuuut, it was so. much. fun. i got to know so many girls really well and get closer to the girls i already knew.. the whole summer the Lord had really put my sorority on my heart and some specific things to pray for. by the end of rush, the Lord answered all 4 of my specific prayer request and used certain conversations to really encourage me in the other things i was praying for. it was SO neat to see the Lord provide for me in that way. i really needed that encouragement, and now i am so unbelievably excited to start this semester and see what all the Lord has in store for me and some of my friends.

speaking of this semester... i changed my major. today. class starts... um... tomorrow. should be interesting. i spent all day running errands trying to get classes, get fingerprints done, get a background check (hahaha), and there is still aton i dont have ready. like books. i dont have one book yet!

(its funny because i keep telling people im so excited about this semester and their response is 'Oh really? do you have fun classes?' and i laugh because it just doesn't dawn on me that school is what most people think about when they move back to school.... when i say im excited about this semester an accurate interpretation of that would be... i am so excited about ZTA functions, road trips, concerts, new friends, fun adventures with old friends, lake trips, new pictures, new memories... and i guess im excited about taking classes but thats only because that means im that much closer to being done with school! haha.)

anyways.. when i left project they got us to write a paragraph summarizing our summer, then a sentence, then a word. my word for this summer was rebuilt. thats what the Lord did, he rebuilt me.

the Lord has really used my time in college to break me down and show me where i had been putting my identity for so long. and this summer, after tearing down every wall, i really feel like God laid my foundation and started building me up in the way the He has created me to be. i dont have any question of who i am, or what i should be like, or how i should act... the thing my dad has told me for years has never been more understandable than now- there is freedom within the law.

im so, so, SO excited to explore everything possible this semester and to pour myself out totally and completely in everything i do because i know my position in Christ and because of that im completely free.

abc.

encouragement.

this sermon is AWSOME. i love it so much. it is so encouraging and i highly, HIGHLY recommend you take 42 minuets out of your day and listen to or watch it. its legit.

click on THIS link and it will take you to the page. from there you'll see where it says messages... click to the right 14 times till you see the box thing that says "everybody" and click on it. (i promise this is alot easier than it sounds!) and from there you'll see a little box where you can either listen to it or watch the sermon.

abc.