refreshed.

this has been another great weekend. recently i have been feeling so dry. it was pathetic- today i got to church and when i opened my journal to take notes, the last time i had opened it was 2 weeks before when i took notes on the sermon. come on now... really?! and i wonder why i was feeling dry.

but, once again, the Lord is so faithful. today has been nothing but uplifting conversations and challenging things. there is so much going on in my mind/heart right now just over what all has been brought up today that i dont really know where to start. i think i will be processing it all week, so blogging all week! (this is going to be a long post...)

lately i have been really frustrated with how selfish i am. that speech that Ann Hathaway gives in the princess diaries has been playing over and over again in my head recently. the one where she is accepting her role as princess of ginovia and goes on this rant saying, "...and then I realized how many stupid times a day I used the word "I". In fact, probably all I ever do is think about myself. And how lame is that when there's, like, 7 billion other people out there on the planet..."

thats so true! and i was on stumbleupon the other day (highly recommend it!) and came across this quote that said,

"no one thinks about you as much as you do."

and then the sermon today in church was on Matthew 5:38 when then Lord commands us to love others AS OURSELVES... think about that. thats a whoooole lot of love for someone! seriously.

and then the verse goes on to ask what reward there is in loving only those that love us back and commands that we love our enemies. thats a pretty major paradox. who wants to love someone thats difficult? who wants to love someone that never listens to you? who wants to love someone that, in every way, opposes you?

AND the verse continues and at the end commands us "to be perfect as our Father is" ... really? now im supposed to be prefect? well, good thing thats IMPOSSIBLE.

but, thats why i love the gospel. so much. who loved me, in all my imperfections, so much that only his sons blood was enough to purchase my salvation? and who, no matter how hard and fast i run, continues to cover me with grace and mercy? and who, in all my sin, laid down his life for me?

and when i surrendered my life to Christ, it was then that his grace covered me and i AM seen as perfect! because when God sees me, he sees his son!

what a love i have been called to. i have no excuse. not only have i seen that love perfectly demonstrated, but i have experienced. on a daily basis.

so on days, for me weeks, when i dont set aside time to meet with my heavenly Father, and when i grow so numb, and when i become so apathetic... my Father still loves me.

i want to be that. i want to get over myself and see the needs that others have and love them! i mean REALLY love them. i want to go out of my way to show them that i believe in them, care for them, and will do anything to help them. why? because thats the love i have experienced and am called to.

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after really being hit with that, i get a text from a sweet friend asking to hang out 'just because i really want to get to know you'. that hang out turned into a 4 hour hang out. and when she left, i felt so refreshed. because as she sat there and told me her story and all the Lord has done in her life, she spoke so much truth into mine. as she talked about good times, hard times... she seemed to always end in preaching the gospel to herself, and in turn to me.

and i walked away feeling so encouraged. so uplifted. so refreshed. why? because she took time out of her day to be selfless. i want to be that to others. i want to refresh, not burden. i want to encourage, not cause to stumble. i want to uplift, not discourage.

and, i know that only comes from meeting with my Father and allowing him to continually work in my heart.

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and as if that wasnt enough. the Lord went above and beyond to encourage me even more. i dont deserve a love like this.

support raising has been a test for me. most of the people on my team have already raised their money, or are really close. and its been hard, but neat to see how God has different timing planned for each of us. i have definitely had to really trust the Lord to provide.

and tonight, a close friend from wofford texts me about one of my tweets... the next text i get? "send me a letter" followed by her address and her telling me she wants to support me...

it brought tears to my eyes.

i have not been faithful in my time with the Lord recently and i have just been kind of selfish with my time. and how does the Lord react? he shows me his love and sovereignty. what a God i serve! i am so inadequate.

my goal for this week is to meet with the Lord on a daily basis, to continually surrender my anxiety about support raising to him, and to look beyond myself and love others as he has loved me.

thats all i can process now... im sure there will be more to come! but, until then...

abc.