Sunday, June 6, 2010

week 1.

it has officially been one week... and i have a feeling this summer is going to be incredible. i have learned so much already and cannot wait to see what else the Lord has for me.

for a brief update:

my room is AWESOME. i absolutely love my girls. each one is so unique. it is amazing to see Gods hand in each of their lives and how he is working in and through each one of them. since we love each other so much....

we like to keep pretty much all of project up with our tunes...

(this is when courtney was trying to teach ragan the "stanky leg". the music was on as loud as it could go, all our windows and doors were open, and we were literally screaming at the top of our lungs....)

just to give you an idea of how ridiculous we really were being, today i had a guy come up to me who lives 3 doors down and ask me if we "ever turn our swag off" because we had kept him up the past 3 nights! i felt so bad, but i was also somewhat proud haha

then me and my girls went out job hunting.... again. we did a whole lot of this....

we counted, we filled out over 21 applications, visited over 63 stores, and have called at least 15 stores. annnnd we still are jobless. its all good though because i am provided with tons of entertainment in the car going from place to place.

one of my girls drives a mini van. awesome i know. anyways, my girls like to pretend like they are my little kids and call me mommy. and since we were in a mini van i think that increased their hilarity in acting.....

here they are fighting while screaming "mommy courtney hit meeeee' and 'mommy ragan wont stop looking at me' and 'mommy are we there yet?!'

it is absolutly hilarious. THEN courtney found out there was a dvd player in the mini van and flipped out.

we decided to take a nice break after being turned down for the 10 millionth time and get a good family picture in while by the gorgeous water...

they really are such amazing girls. i am so blessed to have them in my dgroup. ill come back to that topic later though....

another thing that we have done since we got down here is beach olympics. i think they should do it every week because it was AWESOME. they have all these games that all the teams compete against each other in. they also pick 4 of some of the most competitive girls and 4 of some of the most competitive guys and make them "gladiators". i was honored with being a gladiator and it was so much fun. all that meant was that i was neutral in every fight....

i wish i could have gotten more pictures but i didnt want to take my camera out there so unfortunatly i missed one of the prettiest things i have ever seen. while we were on the beach competing a HUGE storm was on its way in. we got to stand on the beach and just watch the storm come in. there is no way to explain the beauty. but it was awesome.

this is courtney and i after beach olympics and the big storm...

it really was so much fun. and i am so incredibly sore.

now that you have an idea of what we have been up to, i really want to tell you about what all has REALLY been going on.

it is so neat to me to see how quickly friendships are built when built on the right foundation. i have gotten to know so many incredible people, both girls and guys, that within the first 5 min of our conversation i feel somewhat challenged in my walk with God and i love it!

the girls in my d-group have been incredible. i really wanted each of us to be vulnerable with each other so that true growth could occur and they have blown me away. each one of them has been so faithful to really let each of us in while we meet and really be open about where they are at. it is totally a God thing. there is no possible way that i could have asked for anything better.

with that being said, i have really been having a hard time figuring out what it means to be their "leader". i have gotten to be such good friends with each of them that it was hard to find the line of being their friend and their leader. but then it occurred to me that thats exactly what i need to do.... be their friend. its so simple. the best form of discipleship is like that that Christ did which was life-on-life. i want the girls in my room to see me being a normal, 20 year old, college girl, with all the same issues, insecurities, problems, questions, fears, passions..... as they do and in them seeing that see me also set the example for them and hopefully challenge them in the ways that they deal with each thing.

i am so far from perfect. i am so far from being prepared for this responsibility this summer. but i know God will use me. when i mess up, when i am selfish and dont think for my girls first, when i do actually say the right thing, or when i say the totally wrong thing- i know God will use it in some way.

one of the talks the other night was on Enjoying God. there was a quote by some guy and in it he said,
"there is a God shaped vacuum
in the heart of every person
and it can never be filed
by any created thing.
it can only be filled by God,
made known through Jesus Christ"

i love that last line... "made known THROUGH Jesus Christ" regarding my girls, myself, and every person i come in contact with this summer, there is absolutely nothing i can do to change a heart. nothing. there is no way for me to explain to anyone or even myself what it means for Christ to truly satisfy. the only way for a heart change to happen is THROUGH Jesus Christ.

i have felt SO inadequate to lead these girls. i have so many sins i am dealing with that i was like, 'God why did ii decide to do this?! i am soooo not ready!!' but this truth is so comforting. I WILL NEVER BE READY. the only way for me to be effective for the Kingdom is for me to be solely and completely reliant on Christ. i am useless if i try to do it on my own. i have to be humbled by that truth in order to be a vessel.

i really wish that i could go through every talk and write to you about what God has been teaching me, but its either too personal or way too long. so i am really having to pick and choose.....

another thing that has been going on is my fast. i knew i wanted to do this when i got down here but i didn't know when.

last summer i tried to fast from food. it was an EPIC fail. it was the worst day of my life. i have never felt so distant from God or been so angry, emotional, and just hungry. awful. but i really wanted to fast from something because i love what fasting is.

Emily Walker gave the "modesty" talk the other night and it was the best one of those type talks i have ever heard. and i have heard hundreds. literally. she was so open and so honest. God really used her to speak to alot of different girls.

so when we got back, my d-group and i had an incredible conversation about the insecurities and desires we each have. i was able to really open up and talk to them about how much makeup has become an idol for me.

if i dont feel like i look cute, i have a horrible day. if i dont have my makeup on, i am so insecure! and after talking to them alot about it, God really lead me to the conviction of what to fast from. makeup. and omg it has been so neat! i never realized how much of my identity i placed in the way i look. God really has been teaching me alot about what it means to have the adorning on the inside and not the out. i am learning so much of what it means to really be confident in Christ and who he made me to be.

(with that being said- i cannot wait for these next 2 days to be over so i can wear my makeup again because i just miss putting it on! i love it! haha)

this really is the smallest bit possible of what all has been going on. there is SO much more.

Prayer Request:
1. pray that the students on project would be provided with jobs.
my d-group and i still have no jobs and there are lots more that dont either....
2. pray that i am continually reminded of the freeing truth that i will be effective for the Kingdom only when relying solely on Christ.
3. and lastly- pray that each student on project would continue to grown and deepen their relationship with Christ.

thanks for the prayers so far!!


1 comment:

  1. abbs
    wow i loved reading about your first week
    and what God is doing in your life
    I wish I was there with you learning and hanging out with you
    BUT God has me here and you there
    and were both learning. i miss you like WOW
    haha its funny thinking about how we used not get along but Christ showed us our sin in that and now we are good friends and its hard not to hang out and live without you. im PRAYING for you and your girls. I got to visit LP in MB this week and visit Nicole and Brit was down there too when I was there. We got together at Akels for breakfast and talked and remembered LP last year. I wish I could come visit your LP. But Im here for you praying from my apartment. I love you so much. Im excited to hear what God is going to do in your life this summer. BURN for Christ girl. Ohh and how Ive seen Christ change you in the past year. SO exciting. I pray that Christ transforms both of us... through the renewing of our minds. That we be slaves of righteousness and FIGHT OUR SIN!!! We dont desire Christs grace but ohh how he pours it over us. PTL!! Praise him, praise him. love you abbs!!!