(păr'ə-dŏks').

par·a·dox n.

1. A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true
2. One exhibiting inexplicable or contradictory aspects:
3. An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises.
4. A statement contrary to received opinion.

i love the paradox in this picture. to me, it perfectly captures the way i feel i am. in this picture, from one root, there are two things growing- something alive, and something dead. both the same origin, just one is fed and one isn't.

recently i have become more and more aware of my sin and the way it takes me over. i have this burning desire to do the will of my Father, but i have this part of me that wants so badly to rebel against everything i know i am called to.

"What then shall we say? that the law is sin? by no means!

yet if it had not been for the law, i would not have known sin...

for apart from the law, sin lies dead. i once was alive apart from the law,

but when the commandment came, sin came alive and i died.

the very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me.

for sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me

and through it, killed me... did that which is good, then, bring death to me?

BY NO MEANS! it was sin, producing sin in me through what is good,

in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure... for i do not understand my own actions.

for i do not do what i want, but i do the very thing i hate...

for i have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out...

so i find it to be a law that when i want to do right, evil lies close at hand.

For i delight in the law of God, in my inner being,

but i see in my member another law WAGING WAR against the law of my mind

and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members...

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!"

Romans 7:7-8:1

romans is one of my favorite books of the bible. these truths are so evident in my life... how can something as beautiful as Christ dwell in me, and at the same time, something as hideous as sin be constantly making habitations in my heart and soul?

its hard for me not to dwell on this. i get frustrated with the Lord alot because to me, if i am asking for a good thing, why would he not want that for me? if i am asking for sin to be dealt with and for Him to sanctify me- to make me clean- why would He continue to allow sin to manifest in me? and in this questioning is where satan creeps in and plants the lie in my heart that my Father is withholding something from me....

"who shall separate us from the love of Christ?

shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ...NO, in all these things we are more than conquerors

through Him who loved us!

for i am SURE that neither death nor life,

nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come,

nor powers, nor height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from the love of God

in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:35-39

and then i am reminded of this- and all my doubt, questioning, frustration.... subsides. my God is stronger. if none of those things can separate me from His love, then no amount of my filth can either. because by Gods grace alone i am covered. and i love that paradox.

despite the filth that takes over my soul so many times a day, i am seen as beautiful and clean. perfect and pure. i am desired by my Father. it amazes me that He is still perusing my heart. i want to daily surrender to a God like that. i want to give all that i am to a ministry that clearly proclaims the beauty of Christ. i want to live a life that demonstrates this paradoxel faith-

that through death, there is immense life.

abc.