QOTW.

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the beauty of pain.

i know its a long quote.. but its C S Lewis so you know its good. read it.

"... Well, anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing i expected: a huge lion coming slowly towards me and one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. you may think that, being a dragon, i could have knocked any lion out easily enough. but it wasn't that kind of fear, i wasn't afraid of it eating me, i was just afraid of it - if you can understand. well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes, and i shut my eyes tight. but that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it."

"you mean it spoke?"

"i dont know. now that you mention it, i dont think it did,but it told me all the same. and i knew id have to do what it told me, so i got up and followed it. and it led me a long way into the mountains. and there was always this moonlight over and round the lion wherever we went. so at last we came to the top of a mountain id never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden - trees and fruit and everything. in the middle of it there was a well...

i knew it was a well because you could see the water bubbling up from the bottom of it... and i thought if i could get in there and bathe, it would ease the pain in my leg. but the lion told me i must undress first. mind you, i dont know if he said any words out loud or not.

...oh, of course, i thought, thats what the lion means. so i started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. and then i scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, mu whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after and illness, or as i was a banana....

but just as i was going to put my feet into the water i looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. oh, thats alright, said i, it only means i had a smaller suit on underneath the first one, and ill have to get out of it too. so i scratched and tore again and this under-skin peeled off beautifully ad out it steeped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe....

well, exactly the same things happened again. and i thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have i got to take off? ... so i scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. but as soon as i looked at myself in the water i knew it had been no good...

then the Lion said... 'you will have to let me undress you.' i was afraid of his claws, i can tell you but i was pretty nearly desperate now. so i just lay flat down on my back and let him do it.

the very first tear he made was so deep that i thought it had gone right into my hear. and when he began pulling off the skin, it hurt worse than anything i've ever felt. the only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. you know - if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. it hurts like billy - oh but it IS fun to see it coming away....

well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as i thought id done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was, lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. and there was i as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than i had been. then he caught hold of me - i didn't like that much for i was very tender underneath now that id no skin on - and threw me into the water. it smarted like anything but only for for a moment. after that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as i started swimming and splashing i found that all the pain had gone from my arm. and then i saw why. if turned into a boy again..."

there really is no way for words to better describe the beauty of pain. walking faithfully with the Lord brings about so many moments/periods of us thinking we had repented and our Heavenly Father having to come in and claw. away. our filth and throw us into the well of his grace. and it hurts, and it doesn't make sense, but...

"...we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

(2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV)

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow.

difficult or easy, Praise the Father.

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my mud pies.

its funny how when you are searching for something, you don't usually find it. and when you're not really looking for something, you find it.

i have this rule of thumb - if i lose something, i refuse to look for it. because it somehow always seems to turn up when i forgot that i lost it.

recently the Lord has been shaking me up and kinda re-routing what path i thought i was heading down... a fork in the road if you will. so today i went to get in the word and was looking for a verse that i didn't know the reference for, which means of course i couldnt find it. i looked, and looked.... and nothing. so when i flipped to the back of my bible to the concordance, a sheet of paper i had taken sermon notes on from a long time ago fell out and instead of a verse to claim, i got a whole sermon.

dated: 1. 19. 2009.

preacher: Andy Lewis (check him out... he is LEGIT)

title: faith - what is it?

concluding note: "elation from desperation"

we never know what the Lord is preparing us for when we go to church on a sunday 3 years ago. or how sweet these 3 little words might be 10 years from now. or how peaceful a reference will be 5 months from now... we just never know what our Father is preparing for us...

its always intesting to me that the times i journal, pray, study the word, memorize scripture, listen to sermons, and every other stereotypical christian thing i could do, are when i am in desperation. desperation for clarity, guidance, understanding... desperately searching for the Lords will for my life.

but isnt that ironic? elation from desperation. desperation = seeking HARD after the Lord. seeking HARD after the Lord = Jesus. Jesus = elation. pretty simple, huh?

so why do we wait till we're desperate to seek HARD after him?

for me? because im distracted. i am SO easily distracted.

c.s.lewis knew what was up:

"Our Lord finds our desires not too strong but too weak. We’re half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition. When infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum, because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

my hope and prayer is that in my day in/day out life - i wouldnt wait for desperation to sink in till i finally look to my Father. but that in all, above all, and first of all

i would seek the precious face of Jesus causing

'all the things of this world to grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace'.

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QOTW.

so i've really been slacking on the whole blog thing.... post to come soon! "runners high and road-trips" sounds intriguing, doesn't it?! until then...

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QOTW.

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that one hurt.

(sorry about the spacing... don't know whats wrong...)

getting kicked in the butt is not a fun thing, especially when the Lord does it. because you just feel so stupid afterwards! i work for/blog for a company called Nations Outfitters and the title i was given to blog about this month is "Gratefulness"... oh. my. humility. it was a rough one.

__

its ironic to me that i am blogging on a blog that is all about the changing seasons that we encounter all around us. changing seasons of fashion, of life, of relationships, of actual seasons... the list goes on. this post is coming from a girl who is in the midst of one of those changes and cannot seem to find joy or gratefulness in it... well, until today. i am a senior in college, graduating soon with a degree in something that in no way inspires, ignites, or interests me, single, and wanting to do the Lords will but having NO. CLUE. what that is.

so, i am frustrated. im anxious. and i am having a hard time believing the truths that the Lord promises me.

" blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might.
He changes times and seasons;
he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding;
he reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what is in the darkness and the light dwells with him..."

- Daniel 2:20-22

"when the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth,
for he will not speak on his own authority,
but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that to come.
He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine an declare it to you..."
- John 16: 13-14

"trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us"
- Psalm 62: 8

and the ever so popular and oh so comforting Jeremiah 29:11-14,

"for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans for welfare and not for evil,
to give you a future and a hope.
then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you, declares the Lord..."

why? because...

"i have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore i have continued my faithfulness to you..."
- Jeremiah 31:3

how can i be so quick to listen to the lies Satan feeds me instead of claiming the freedom that comes through Jesus Christ? how can i be so anxious and ungrateful when i have something this firm and unwavering to take hold of during times of uncertainty? it wasn't until i was reading today though that i got this FIRM kick in the booty.

all during this Christmas break i have tried to get in the word, i have listen to a fair number of sermons, i have prayed, i have balled my eyes out, i have pouted, i have taken my frustration out on the ones closest to me (namely, my sweet mom), and i have just been plain grumpy. i had not a speck of perspective, of gratitude, of humility, or of trust because i am freaking out about all the uncertainty's in my life.

i am reading the Chronicles of Narnia and am on the 3rd book right now, "The Horse and His Boy" and in reading it today, all of this finally hit me.... (the back story is too long to tell so you should just go read all the books. if anything will get you excited for Jesus coming back, these books will.)

"dont you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta.

"there was only one lion," said the Voice

"what on earth do you mean? i've just told you there were at least two the first night, and-"

"there was only one: but he was swift on foot."

"how do you know?"

"I was the lion." and Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued."I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

"then it was you who wounded Aravis?"

"it was I."

"but what for?"

"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."

"who are you?" asked Shasta.

"Myself," said the Voice, very deep and very low so that the earth shook: and again, "Myself," loud and clear and gay: and then the third time "Myself", whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it.

- Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

i was sitting there, reading that, and slowly began to just cry.... i pictured myself as the ignorant Shasta. on this journey, that has been hard- not what he thought it would be- but he keeps going because he knows of Narnia. He has never experienced Narnia, but all that he was made for is longing desperately for Narnia. i am the same.

the Lion spoke to Shasta- telling him of the provision, the comfort, the guidance, the protection, the strength, and the intentionally that he has been giving freely to Shasta since the day he was born. i am the same.

and after hearing all this, all Shasta can see is the bad! why did the Lion hurt his friend?! i am the same. why did the Lion hurt my pride? hurt my own plans?

and the Lion calls him Child. i am the same.

and my favorite is when Shasta asks who he is, the Lion says Myself, Myself, Myself... Myself - God - the voice that causes the earth to shake. Myself - Jesus - who "makes known to me the path of life" loud and clear and joyfully. and Myself - Holy Spirit - who whispers so softly you can hardly hear it, yet so certainly that things are moved by it.

gratefulness? that doesn't even begin to describe it. but its a start. this Christmas season, and really every day for that matter, lets pray for grateful hearts. thanking our Father who is both a Lion and a Lamb. who speaks clearly and whispers softly. who causes fear/pain/hard times to spur us on. who provides those pushes to safety that we are unaware of. who protects us even while we sleep. who comforts us in this dying world. and who died for us because of His great love for us.

here is the link to the blog - i highly recommend you check out all the writers and nationsoutfitters.com
http://changingseasonsnations.blogspot.com/2011/12/greatfulness.html

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i think i'll go...

this christmas break has been filled with thinking.

thinking about serious things and thinking about dream-ish things....

i am pretty certain my google search bar thinks that i am psychotic.

if you look at my past search history it will read:

- jobs in Denver, CO

- Grad schools for education

- fashion jobs in L.A.

- Apt costs in Jackson Hole, WY

- Campus Outreach

- photography internships

- YWAM international

- Journeymen IMB

- culinary schools in Chicago

those are all on the same track.... right?

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QOTW.

oh michael scott, how i miss you.

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blessed.

this has been one of the biggest blessings in my life this semester and has been a window to see the Lord specifically answer my prayers about community, evangelism, and an on-going understanding of His call on my life.

im so glad that Beth Anne made this video so that you could all get a glimpse into the incredible community that is here at Auburn.

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