i've been avoiding you.

i've been avoiding this post because i didn't want to have to write about Thailand as a thing of the past. but, i've realized, the physicalness of it is a thing of the past, however, the lessons, the people, the clarity... those are still present.

i have been so thankful for the way that my friends have shown so much interest in my trip to thailand. they have been incredible to ask specific, good questions. but it has been a battle for me. every time i tell a story, in the back of my head is the thought 'you still just have no clue'.

there is no possible way for me to communicate in words what happened in my heart this summer. because there is no possible way to communicate what happens in your heart when you see people you love bowing down to wooden idols. and i cant translate to you the passion in someone's eyes when they are brought to tears over the deepest longings of their heart which they have been praying over for months, years... and have seen nothing happen yet, but still have total faith that the Lord is working. and there is no way i can describe the smells, or the sound of Pbaan's laughter, or the beauty of hearing a prayer in Thai... there's just no way for these things to be explained.

so as people have asked me questions and genuinely cared to hear my answers, i am still battling the selfish desire to isolate myself and say 'you just wont understand'

but, God, once again, has been patient with me, showing me so much through this. showing me that part of the greatness of what happened this summer is taking everything i learned and bringing it back to challenge my friends! it is bringing those lessons back and learning what it means for them to become characteristics that define my life.

so can i describe the impact that Pbaan had on my life? absolutely not. but just as she did for me, i can allow God to continue working in my heart so that my actions, my heart, my thinking, the way i love, the way i show compassion... all those things change and in turn will show you the impact that she had in my life.

and can i communicate to you the depth of impact that being in an area that is one of the top 25 most unreached people groups of the world had in shaping my vision for my life? no. theres no way. but i can prayerfully go before my Father asking him to continue this work in me so that my life will be a demonstration of that impact.

im going to be digesting all this for a long time. but as i sort through it all, i want to joyfully share these things with the people i love. i dont want to avoid it or dread the conversations thinking its only for those who really understand it. i want others also to benifit from P'Nai, P' Blaa, P' Rung, P'Yute, Mai, Arm, Pbaan, Aw, Earn, Preow...

thats what the body of Christ does, we work together. the eyes may never touch the ears, but they can learn from them! that may be a stretch.... but you get what im saying!

its good to get that off my mind...

abc.