Wednesday, August 17, 2011

the end?

it is such a blessing knowing that things are not ending, yet it sucks when you realize something is over.

now that is has been a month since coming back to the states i've realized this: so much ended, but so much has begun.

when our team left for Thailand, we had no. clue. what he were in for. coming back i've realized that there are some areas of my life that will never be the same. and this is not based on some spiritual high- its biblical. (Hebrews 6:1-6)

the Lord revealed Himself to me in ways i have never before experienced. in ways that are still bringing me to tears. not wanting to leave Thailand is an understatement. there was nothing in my body or heart that wanted to come back, nothing at all. and i cannot tell you how much sin was in my desires...

i didn't want to come back out of fear. fear of how differently my life was going to have to be because of the things God revealed to me; fear of what people would think because of that; fear that i would be missing out on things for my senior year; fear that the work we had done in Thailand would be for nothing since we were there for such a short period of time; fear that ministry with certain girls there would not be continued; fear that people wouldn't believe the extent to which God had shaken me; fear that i would forget things: people, places, sounds, smells, the look in certain peoples eyes; fear of being a senior; fear of graduating and having left no impact on people; fear of not leaving my mark; fear of failing- failing my own expectations for myself and the expectations of others for me; fear in knowing that what i now feel called to do is the COMPLETE opposite of what my pride wants; fear of what my friends would think about me probably moving back to birmingham instead of doing something adventures and 'cool' like i always say im going to do; fear of missing the 'right' calling; fear of things being over. fear of new things starting.

i didn't want thailand to end for many good reasons, dont get me wrong. but the reasons that i was focusing on with why i didn't want to leave were all out of fear. i told some of my teammates that 'i am terrified of going back'.

and since being back- the Lord has continued to rock my world. i could not be more thankful to be back- back in the states and back in auburn. God has been so incredibly faithful to me. i honestly cannot put into words how incredible this first week and a half back has been. i could give story after story of answered prays that i have seen just within this past week.

thailand has come to an end. i am no longer there, i am no longer with those dear friends, and i am no longer learning about my God in ways that i never dreamt i would. but- my senior year has begun. my one last hoo rah to give all that i am to the girls that the Lord has faithfully placed in my life. and just as He placed Yohjo, Ann, Dong, Fang, Dong, Pim, Musik, Annie, Mai, Oui, Gigi, and many more in my life for only 2 months for me to learn what it means to love well and serve with all humility, i am now in auburn to do the same. there is nothing different. i now have girls, a whole sorority of girls, to love well and serve with all humility so that the power of Christ might be made known.

so as thailand is over, the lessons are not. this summer is over, the year is not. college is coming to an end, ministry is not.

it is such a blessing knowing that things are not ending, yet it sucks when you realize something is over.


p.s. i have an unhealthy obsession with my new apartment. seriously- the most ballinest apartment to ever hit the Plains. roommates included.

1 comment:

  1. abby!
    i love this. and you. beautifully said and exactly what i needed to read. thank you for loving Jesus.
    psalm 18:29