Monday, October 11, 2010

here with me.

"I long for your embrace
Every single day
To meet you in this place
And see you face to face

Will you show me?
Reveal yourself to me?
Because of your mercy
I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go
I am not alone
You call me as your own
To know you and be known

You are holy
And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace
I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love."

i have a huge nutrition test tomorrow. the last test i had in there, i studied 5 days in advance, made over 300 notecards (which i knew EVERY SINGLE ONE), and took every practice quiz/test i could, and rewrote ALL my notes. annnnd i ended up with a 62 on that test.

our test tomorrow, according to our teacher, is supposed to be ALOT harder...

i met with my advisor today about classes for next semester and how im doing in this one. it was then that she informed me that the cohort im applying for only accepts the top 25 students and so if i wanted to have a fair chance at even getting considered then i needed to have AT LEAST a 3.0 by the end of this semester.

so, ever since that meeting, i have been absolutely freaking out about my test tomorrow. if i studied that much for my test last time and got that bad of a grade and this one is supposedly harder- how the heck am i supposed to get a good enough grade in this class to bring my GPA up even more?! i feel like there is SO much pressure on me to be perfect. i feel like i have absolutely no room for error.

i know that i am a smart girl. but after my last test in this class, i have zero confidence in myself regarding my capability to know, understand, and do well on my test tomorrow.

so as im sitting in barns and nobel silently feeling like my world is crashing down on me so hard i want to just give up, this song comes on my shuffle and it hits me. that verse i have heard a million and one times...

"i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

does that mean i no long have to study? no. does that mean that i can do the bare minimum and he'll take care of the rest? no. God is no magical genie that i can just make a wish and he bow to my every desire. (thank goodness!)

BUT- it does mean that i can rest secure in the knowledge that God is here- with me. and in the grande scheme of things, though my test tomorrow is very important, there are bigger things at work here. and God sovereign so this whole stressin' to the max about my future, and applying for this school, and finding cohorts, or pre-teaching, or WHATEVER- that God is in total control of this. "...You're everywhere I go- I am not alone. You call me as your own , to know you and be known..." i am not alone in this because Christ has had my life intricately planned out since before i was knit together in my mothers womb.

again, this blog was for me. to preach to myself the gospel that God is in total control of my life. and stressing like i have been does nothing but suck every last drop of joy out of this entire process.

pray for me as i study and take this test, because i do need to do really good on it! but also pray that i will constantly be reminded that my identity is not in my grades, and that the Lord is so beautifully sovereign.

abc.

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