"brokeness is what i long for
brokeness is what i need
brokeness is what You want for me,
so take my heart and mold it
take my mind, transform it
take my will, comform it
to Yours oh, Lord"
i have never been faced with the sobering reality Hell on such a daily basis. well, i have, i just selfishly and ignorantly didn't see it. but, now i do. and i see it all around me.
there are 10,000 freshman alone here at KKU. 10,000. there are 18 of us (CCPers), approximately 30 COT staff, and a handful of Thai believers. and only 0.7% professing christians in Thailand. talk about sobering.
i have vented to my sister and parents that there is so much going on in my heart and in my mind since arriving here that i dont know how to process it all. it would be impossible. the way i said it to my roommate is "i have so many thoughts running through my head that i dont know what to think about them and so its impossible to word my thoughts because i cant even think about what i think about my thoughts" if that doesn't sound confusing then i dont know what does. and thats almost exactly how i feel. i think?
my heart is being torn in so many different ways. if there is an emotion out there- i could almost swear on my life that i have felt it in these past 2 weeks at some point.
i would love to ramble and allow you to decide what you think about how our ministry is going, or if we are having fun or not, or if we are being effective or not, or any other conclusion you might come to from reading this blog... but the truth is. i dont even know where to start. i dont know how i feel. i dont know what im thinking.
all i know is that God is so much bigger than i will ever comprehend and that i just have to trust that. i know that God is sovereign and i just have to trust that. i know that greater things are yet to come for KKU, for Khon Kaen, for Thailand, for Asia, for our world. for you and for me. and i just have to trust that.
i wish i could pour my heart out here and give you even the slightest bit of how intensely the Lord is revealing things to me, but i cant. brokeness is what i prayed for and brokeness is what i have received. praise the Lord for answered prayers.