last night one of my best friends vented to me about how frustrating, scary, intimidating, and overwhelming it is to be at this point in our lives. the real world and all its reality are RIGHT in front of us. we are juniors in college and literally have NO clue what we want to do. we dont know whats coming next.
we talked for forever (literally) about how, almost angering, it is when people ask us 'so what are your plans after college' or 'where exactly do you see yourself in five years'? she said alot of times she just wants to look and them and say, 'I DONT KNOW! where are YOU gonna be in five years? bet you dont know either!' and, i totally agree with her.
as the vent session continued, now coming from both of us, it turned into a long conversation about how hard it is just to say 'you know, i dont know.' because, who wants to come across like we dont have it all together and all planed out? no one.
alot of our friends have never once changed their majors. i have more times than i have fingers. literally.
both of us really got to the heart of the issue later in the conversation, our pride. our pride in not wanting to let people see that we literally HAVE NO CLUE. and that got me frustrated with the Lord. im going to go off on a tanget and then make my point, promise.... (whats new)
...people still ask me why i transferred from wofford, and honestly, i dont really have an answer besides i just didn't have a peace about staying there. thats frustrating! then my pride gets knocked completely out from me because i go from this prestigious academic college to... southern union community college. in opalika alabama. when i would come home and people would ask me where i am now- i would straight up lie and say auburn because i didn't want people making assumptions in their head about why i went from THE wofford college to a community college in the boondocks. um, hello pride.
i didn't want people thinking i couldnt handle being that far away from home, or that i just went off the deep end and so mommy and daddy moved me home, or that i wasn't smart enough to handle the academic level there, or any other thing that i had assumed about people before...
and what is all that? pride. and what is pride? having ZERO faith in the Lord because you think you can do it better.
and thats what my friend and i really realized. we are not, in anyway, surrounding trust to the Lord.
she made a funny but great analogy (and we all know how much i love those!).. she said, "you know, its like when we are little and making gingerbread houses at christmas. and we are sitting there trying so hard to get the icing stuff to stick, and our candy to stick to that, but nothings working and we are getting so mad! and then, our dad, who is a freaking architect walks over and says 'here sweetie, let me help you that. i know how to fix it' and every single time, we would put our hands up saying 'no! i got it. i can do it fine. stop! let me do it...' REALLY!?"
and thats so true. i do that to the Lord on a daily basis. no God, i can figure out my major. no
God, i know what to say to this friend. no God, i dont need you to put me where you want me, i know what i need to do to make me happy. no God, i got this. how dumb does that sound!
so after all that we both realized if we really trusted the Lord and HIS plan, then we would not be so scared and frustrated with the next chapter in our lives... because, its literally staring us straight in the eyes. we sat there and realized we have to start praying. and not getting in bed at night and closing my eyes to pray until i fall asleep and then in the morning i dont even remember what i prayed about. no, i mean REALLY talking to the Lord.
i heard a sermon by Frank Barker one time on prayer. he said that we should never pray without expectations. he made the point that when you talk to a friend if you just sit there and talk with no reason, the conversations probably not going to be very meaningful or significant. but, when you have a conversation with a friend with intentions and expectations, you walk away somewhat better. and thats how we should go into prayer. we should go into our time of communion with the Lord with expectations of greatness.
so- all of that leads me to today. i came to this coffee shop to get my heart right with the Lord. to confess some stuff and to just spend some time with Him. and the Lord met me here more than i could have ever asked.
"5 So Peter was kept in prison, but earnest prayer for him was made to God by the church.6 Now when Herod was about to bring him out, on that very night, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries before the door were guarding the prison. 7 And behold, an angel of the Lord stood next to him, and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him, saying, “Get up quickly.” And the chains fell off his hands. 8 And the angel said to him, “Dress yourself and put on your sandals.” And he did so. And he said to him, “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me.” 9 And he went out and followed him. He did not know that what was being done by the angel was real, but thought he was seeing a vision. 10 When they had passed the first and the second guard, they came to the iron gate leading into the city. It opened for them of its own accord, and they went out and went along one street, and immediately the angel left him. 11 When Peter came to himself, he said, “Now I am sure that the Lord has sent his angel and rescued me from the hand of Herod and from all that the Jewish people were expecting.”
12 When he realized this, he went to the house of Mary, the mother of John whose other name was Mark, where many were gathered together and were praying. 13 And when he knocked at the door of the gateway, a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer. 14 Recognizing Peter's voice, in her joy she did not open the gate but ran in and reported that Peter was standing at the gate."
the Lord is so good. how can i, we, anyone, read that- seeing the immense power of prayer- and not believe that the Lord is faithful.
do i know whats coming next? no. do i know what im doing with my life? quite frankly, not a clue. do i know where i will be in 5, heck 1, year? definitely no.
but i gotta remind myself of the gospel. i have got to have a better perspective than that.
do i know that the Lord is sovereign? yes. do i know that the Lord has a good and perfect plan for my life? without a single doubt. does He know where i will be in 5, 10, 50+ years? you better believe it.
i can rest in that truth. and to my sweet, hilarious, blessing of a friend- you can too.