on October 26th i got to answer a question that i had been waiting for, dreaming about, wondering about, praying for, and hoping for for my whole life. the man of my dreams asked me to marry him!! since then, it has been a funny, frustrating, and eye-opening journey.
the way i had always dreamed of my engagement going was to get engaged, the next week be filled with UNBELIEVABLE joy and excitement. talking about plans and wishes with my family and anyone else. i always thought that within the first month of being engaged that i would already have the date, the engagement pictures done, and moving full speed ahead on any other decisions pertaining to THE day. i thought it would be all fairytales and butterflies.
well. i was wrong. granted, our situation is a little different than most, i would venture to say that no ones engagement is like that. jake and i have had to deal with alot of real life in the past 2 months and it has made our engagement incredible, but not at all what i had always dreamed of. there have been tears, arguments, hurt feelings, frustration, disappointment, and misunderstandings...
we started premarital counseling last week and the pastor doing it said something that really made some stuff click for me. he said, "it is impossible to enter into new things without false expectations. one of my jobs in our time here is to at least cut those false expectations in half so that you are both prepared. its better to get hit by a 2x4 if you know its coming, rather than be blindsided by it."
i entered into engagement with a million and one false expectations. i expected day-to-day life to be like engagement pictures. perfect, flawless, lovey-dovey, and care-free. the "pinterest engagement" if you will. and the hard times we have gone through in these past 2 months has been the Lord cutting out all my false expectations.
we are talking about marriage here. the first few steps to preparing for a lifetime covenant. a day-in-day-out relationship where life is constantly thrown at you. you are faced with financial issues, family problems and struggles, things not happening in your timing or in the way that you wanted them to...
what i have learned about myself, about jake, about the Lord, and about our relationship are things that i never want to lose. lessons that i pray will stay with me my entire life.
have these past 2 months been what i always thought and dreamed engagement would be like? no. not in the least. have these past 2 months been an incredible journey that i would not trade for anything? absolutely.
my gracious heavenly Father has validated this relationship over, and over, and over. in every hurt feeling, every tear, every frustration, every disappointment, every misunderstanding... everything has deepened my love for jake, built my excitement for our wedding day, and given me a peace that the Lord is not done with either of us yet.
i cannot wait till we set a date and know the day that will start the rest of our lives together. but what i cant wait for even more than that is the next day, and the next day, and the next day. i cant wait for our LIFETIME together. to do what we have been doing in our engagement - living life together.