this year has been an up and down with the Lord. but, not in the usual way. not in good or bad up and down. but instead, in clarity and confusion. there have been days, even weeks, where i am so sure of what i feel like the Lord is calling me to. but as soon as i think i can accept it, my fears set in, and all my questions start flowing, and all my doubt takes over, and then my sight is clouded again.
what if thats not what i pictured my life as? but, if thats what your really calling me to, why do i feel like it will be wasting other talents and passions i have? God, thats not comfortable for me. if i actually voice this, God, i dont think anyone will take it seriously. are you sure this is it?
but, as much as i run, just like always, the Lord finds a way to point me back to himself and answer a very solid yes.
yes this is where i want you. yes i do have a beautiful plan for you. yes it will be hard. yes i understand your fears. yes i will use the talents and passions i gave you, even there. yes, this is my will.
my prayer is that the Lord would continue to draw me to himself. continue to show me his will. that when i try to say no and begin to doubt, that he would continue to wrap his arms around me and say yes, reminding me that he loves me more than to give me lesser things. that He would continue to show me that "the rain, the storm, the hardest nights, are [His] mercies in disguise".