just scratching the surface.

its funny reading through past entries on here. it hasn't even been a year and after rereading, rooted. , so much in my life has changed since then. i have changed so much since then. i laughed pretty hard when i was reminiscing about writing this. i thought it was so creative to name my personalities. now i think it just sounds a little schizo haha!

about 2 years ago, my little brother tanner and i were riding in the car. now- tanner is a man of few words. but when he starts talking, he knows what hes talking about. he is very insightful, he keeps things to himself, and hes very deep. we are VERY different, but i love having true conversations with him. so, we were in the car and he had been really quite, so i knew he was thinking. he grabbed my ipod- which he knows if off limits in my car- and said he had a song to play me that always made him think of me. he turned on "one more mouth" by Josh Ritter. to this day, it is my favorite song and the most played song on my itunes. 153 times to be exact.

we listened to it all the way through and i didn't really get how it reminded him of me. so i sat there silently waiting for him to explain. then he rewinded it to a part and played these few lines again...

"You act like you don't need nobody else

And you dance like you don't need nobody else

And all the other moths need light To circle round

while you just fly

Around yourself"

i think i've gotten to the point where i know how to balance "stacy" and "leyla". the Lord has been so faithful to point me in the direction with a clear understanding of where i feel He has me. and in doing that i have grown into my own skin. i feel like i really am finally at a place where i am happy to be me, and content in it. i feel like now i am moving on to the next battle within myself. my issue of independence and control.

when tanner played me those lines again, it hit me hard. no one was supposed to be able to see through my walls. no one was supposed to be able to tell that i ACT like im fine by myself. but t did, and he called me out on it. and 2 years later, because of alot of different circumstances in my life, im finally owning up to it. and i feel, im only scratching the surface of some deeper rooted issue.

i've been seeing, through a few relationships i have with specific people, that theres alot of things im holding onto that i have GOT to surrender to the Lord. my pride, my plan (you'd think i'd have learned this one by now haha), my emotions, my thoughts, my needs, my desires...

i think sometimes i think that if people knew i needed them, like really needed them, then they would see me as weak and insecure. when really, i need them because they encourage me, the uplift me, and they make me a better person. i think vulnerability scares the crap out of me because it'll let people see how needy i am. and i dont like thinking im a needy person.

but is that really a bad thing? i dont know... i think sometimes it can be good to know someone needs you in their life.

what it boils down to is a pride issue. and i think that is something i am going to struggle with my whole life. its my pride that doesnt want me to admit i cant do everything on my own. its pride that keeps me from letting people see me broken. its pride that keeps me from telling people closest to me that i need them. its pride that makes me "act like i dont need nobody else"...

C.S. Lewis' chapter "The Great Sin" in Mere Christianity hits the nail on the head. (go read it. its insanely good.) over christmas break, at new years conference, and all next semester- i think i know what issue ill be working on.... oh what fun!

abc.

ultimate creativity.

for those of you who dont know me that well, i love getting to create. i think thats why i love cutting hair, doing makeup, fashion and all that so much. i love painting, i love designing things, i love imagining... i just really like creating things!

i have been thinking about that alot lately and thinking about how the great artist of today think of the art they create. and some of my close friends, they are SO creative and so talented-but where do they get their inspiration from? where do i get mine from?

i get mine from people, from nature, from emotions, from memories, from life... i found this quote and in a weird way, it kind of embodies the realization i've come to. (it seems like an obvious realization but whatever)

"We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can be killed and forgotten. But 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas.i've seen people killed in the name of them; and died defending them. but you cannot touch an idea, cannot hold it or kiss it. an idea does not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love. and it is not an idea that i miss, it is a man....a man i will never forget"

-V for Vendetta

when it comes to creativeness, or imagining, or being original- all of us are inspired originalist. which, in essence, isn't true originality. Yes, you may see it in that specific way for the first time and that is original, but whatever you thought of came from an inspired source. there is only one person that is truly original. all the rest of us get our 'original ideas' from outside sources. the only artist who ever created from NOTHING is God. thats so cool! realizing this has made painting and photography and all the other stuff so much more exciting. the inspiration i get is kind of like a form of worship i guess because it is taking something the Lord has created and appreciating it for even the simplest value.

the quote above is really intriguing to me. it says we are told to remember the idea, not the man. i, like the character speaking, disagree. i think we should appreciate, enhance, and love the idea- but i think we should always remember the man. the One the idea, in its most basic form, came from.

(im going to go off on a tangent for a second and then ill get to my point.... promise.)

i love tattoos. i think that they are fascinating. i LOVE looking at people that have a ridiculous amount of tattoos. i think sleeves are legit. why? because there is something behind every drop of ink on that person. every tattoo that person has ever gotten, they have a reason. it may be a really dumb one, but theres a reason. i like going up and talking to strangers about their tattoos and asking if they'll tell me the story behind them. you'd be amazed and what some people will tell a complete stranger.

that being said, alot of them will say in some round about way that the reason they got their first tattoo was because they wanted 1. something permanent to always remind them of something or 2. they want to be a display of art.

also, as i have been in college and have been so many places in my short career, i have talked to a variety of girls. and my eyes have been opened to just how much image insecurities effect girls- every aspect of our lives. i have had conversation after conversation about self-image insecurities that lead to other really hard struggles. it breaks my heart to hear of what some of my friends have and are going through simply because they do not believe that they truly are beautiful.

to the tattooist that wants to be art, and to any girl that doesn't see herself as fearfully and wonderfully made... thats where this post is inspired from. because i think people should realize that YOU are a perfectly handcrafted, 100% original, inspired work of art.

the Lord created from nothing and in the end said "this is good". i think more people need to believe that. more girls need to see when they look in the mirror that God said not only that this is good, but numerous times he says we are created in HIS image and we were made beautiful. and i guess this isn't just for girls. guys too.

i think its so cool that now when i paint, or take a picture, or journal, or listen to music, or do anything that involves the arts, i am getting to first hand experience just one aspect of the Lords creativeness. i like that i have that in common with Him.

abc.

analogies out the wazoo.

i have a slight obsession with analogies. one day i might right an entire book on all the analogies i can think of. there is just something about making something understandable from something else that just fascinates me. actually, the first post i ever blogged on here was about the analogy of a trees roots...

this summer while on beach project, i had a friend who had an equal appreciation for analogies. we would go on analogy runs and then talk about all the ones we thought of after as encouragement for starting the day. you'd be amazed at all the analogies that can come just from running and some sunrises!

while on a run to go watch the sunrise,we had such an encouraging conversation about how no matter how dark the night it, the sunlight always eliminates the darkness. like the Psalm says, "but joy comes in the morning..." those words are so true. go watch a sunrise and tell me if your day isn't 10 times better. seeing the darkness brighten and then witnessing the gorgeous colors that come out is truly indescribable. and it is so encouraging to know that that is what the Lord has done in each believers life. that beautiful sunrise is like the beautiful transformation that takes place in a persons heart when the Lord comes in and pierces the darkness. the light always overcomes.

over thanksgiving break i got to go to the mountains and as you could probably imagine, analogies were being made left and right. (the picture above is from a sunset there, not a sunrise from this summer...)

one night while in gatlinburg, we saw this water fountain that had fire coming out of the top. and for some reason it reminded me of Romans 7 when Paul talks about when he wants to do good, evil is right there to tempt him. and it blows my mind that i can have something so incredible as the Holy Spirit in me, yet i also have such an ugly inborn nature to sin. how can 2 things so opposing come from the same source? kind of like this fire and water. they shouldn't be together, but they are.

another one that, i think, hit me the hardest was when i was shooting this tree that had the coolest looking mushrooms and moss on it. the colors were so vibrant and the dew was melting off of them so they were kind of glistening in the sunlight... it was beautiful. and i realized, thats what satan does with sin. he makes it look so appealing and easy. he makes it look like its not that bad or it wont really hurt me that much. but if i was to pick one of those mushrooms and eat it, they're poisonous and will make me seriously sick. its the same with sin. look at Adam and Eve. he took something as nutritious as fruit, made it beautiful and appealing causing Eve to question the truth she knew. how many times a day do i do that?!

another thing that i feel like has been a theme in my life recently is events or emotions that cannot be put into words. (this realization came while thinking of another analogy that is way too long to type!)

my dads birthday was last week and as i sat down to write him a letter, i realized no matter how long a letter with the most amazing adjectives and descriptive words, there was physically no way for me to express in human terms my admiration, love, and respect for my dad.

then thanksgiving day came around and we have this tradition where we go in a circle and each have these kernels of corn that represent things we are thankful for. and as i was trying to pick which 2 to say, i realized i could never put into words my love and joy that comes from being with my family and each sibling.

and while i was in the mountains, i stood there in this huge valley looking at hills after hills of gorgeous trees, animals, weeds, and flowers and could never put into words how small it made me feel. and at the same time how amazing it is to me that even with me being that small, i had the creator of all of that beauty die. just for me. because he loves me immensely. it blows my mind.

and not too long before that i was looking at the stars one night and had that same feeling of being so small yet at the same time feeling so incredibly loved by my Father.

and in coming back to auburn i went to dinner with 3 close friends that really are amazing girls. we were all sitting at dinner catching each other up on our breaks, talking about funny things that happened, just enjoying each others company... and i had this surreal moment when i sat there, listening to one of them talk about how funny the conversation we were having now is when thinking about where we all were this time last year, and i kind of wanted to cry because i am so thankful for where the Lord has me and how he got me here. was it easy? heck no techno. was it fun? not really. but now, i know my self, and my Savior in a way i never thought i would have have the most amazing friends in the world. (like ones that will stay up till 2 to hang snowflakes in the kitchen even when we both have an 8am the next morning haha!!)

i could never put into words how i feel about all that has happened in my life recently. i wish i could, but there just aren't words that could accurately portray exactly how i feel. and honestly, im kinda ok with that. i wish i could explain exactly whats going on in my heart, but in a way i think that would take away some of the excitement of it. its a joy that cannot be explained.

abc.

things i love.

with this rainy weather, its really gotten me in a sentimental mood. i dont know why. i guess because in every movie its raining when they have enlightening moments or break downs or whatever. anyways- the rain has brought more than just the cold, its brought a very happy mood for abby with it! so going into this thanksgiving break there are ALOOOOOT that i will be thankful for. some of which i can share, and others i cant. but of what i can, i thought i would!

things that i love:

my family. duh. they're the bomb diggity. being at auburn. with an 11-0 season haters! (cam and i are getting married. just so every knows. the save the dates will come out soon.) all my new friends. in auburn, from this summer, and everywhere else, getting to go to Thialand!! (blog about that to come soooooon) peppermint hot chocolate and scarves, sweet potatoe casserole, cowboy boots, being done with my nutrition class, seeing the Lord be faithful in yet another season of my life, skype so i can stay in touch with all my crazy friends, good music (mumford and sons, vitamin string quartet, andrew belle, the civil wars, rihanna, band perry... just to name a few), letters from friends in the mail, pictures. duh. fall smelling candles, my bike, a sweet new journal i got, BBQ house with the ginster, ZTA, good quotes, my bestie, painting, stumbleupon, the leaves changing, aubie, coke zero....

i could keep going. there are so many small things that i am genuinly so thankful for! and there are so many HUGE things that i could not thank the Lord enough for. theres really no point to this blog except to say that i am so blessed and so thankful for all the Lord is doing in my heart and life. i think we all have alot to be thankful for this season!

abc.

Mmm Mmm good.

i tried another recipe from The Noble Pig and it was just as good, if not better than the last! this one was jumbo stuffed shells with vodka sauce... seriously, SO good.

it had this weird cheese in it that was so expensive.... gruyere cheese! but it added so much flavor to the sauce. i loved it!

when i was getting the groceries to make this at publix, i slowly started realizing how expensive it is to eat good. i never really appreciated having a home cooked, from scratch, dinner every night. but now that i see how much is behind just one meal it makes me really appreciate all the cooking, cleaning, preparing... that my mom has done for all these years.

i wish someone would invent dishes that cleaned themselves or something. after boiling, straining, mixing, pouring, stuffing, baking, serving, and eating there is a butt ton of dishes to do! and i will be the first to tell you that i am not the cleanest of people and so i would definitly prefer to just not do them! but, with 8 other girls in the house... that just wouldn't fly. so 3 loads in the dishwasher later and im done..

it was well worth it though because we only have about 1 serving of leftovers and it was SO yummy!

abc.

yearn.

holy design

this place in time

that i might seek and find my God

my God

Lord i want to yearn for You

i want to burn with passion

over You and only You

Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine

yet why am i fine

with all my singing and bringing grain

in light of Him

oh You give life and breath

through Him You give all things

in Him we live and move

that's why i sing

- Yearn by Shane and Shane

acts 17:25-28:

"...nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. and he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all he face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of the dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for 'in Him we live and move and have your being' as even some of your own poets have said, 'we are indeed His offspring'"...

hebrews 12:28-29:

"...therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shakem, and thus let us offer to Fos acceptable worship, with reverance and awe, for our God is a consuming fire..."

this has been my prayer lately - that i would seek the Lord with a whole heart... that i would yearn for this God whose will cannot be shaken.

abc.

um, whats a skillet.

i love weekends. i love them because i finally have time to do what i want. if i want to sleep, i can. if i want to paint, i can. if i want to study (which i never want too...), i can. and if i want to do nothing, i can! so this weekend was one of those were i just wanted to chill... and chill i did. my friend, katie, and i decided we were not going to do anything friday night but hang out on the couch and it has been one of my most favorite nights here yet.

i found this awesome blog called The Noble Pig and it has some baller recipes on it that are pretty easy. i love it. so katie and i decided to cook a good dinner and watch a good movie.... we found this recipe called Noodle Pie and it was SO good.

we boiled our pasta, browned our meet, crushed our own garlic.... the whole shebang. the dish looked really cool because the noodles stood straight up. funny story.. as we were stacking them in there we kept eating the noodles too and then we realized we probably shouldn't have done that.....

So we had to open another box of noodles and boil 12 more.... it was pretty funny.
another funny thing that happened... when we finished browning the meat i told katie "i know theres something we are supposed to do about the fat but i cant remember" and she was like "ya my mom always does something with a paper towel? ...i dont really know" and that was how alot of the night went... trying to remember what to do from what we had seen our moms doing all growing up.

my personal favorite was when i asked katie to hand me a skillet to start the meat in and all i hear is a long pause and finally katie goes, "uhhh, whats that again?"

but we made it through it and anded up with a gourmet meal!! this was what it looked like when we were all done! we both were so proud of it!
it was seriously so yummy!!! (i dont know if you can see it in this picture, but after you make the meat sauce, you pour it on top and then stuff it into the center of each noodle. so its this whole dish of stuffed noodles with melted cheese on top... Mmmm)
and dont worry mom, thats sparkling grape juice:)

after eating our de-lish dinner, we plopped on the couch to watch 500 Days of Summer and paint. it was such a fun, relaxing, chill night with some great friends!!

abc.

can't teach this.

i came across these 2 videos and like yesterday, they blew me away! it amazes me 1. the amount of talent these people have and 2. the amount of time they have to spend/waste (depending on your perspective) on perfecting these talents. i find it fascinating.

WATCH THIS

&

WATCH THIS

happy middle of the week!

abc.

a little entertainment.

not many of you may find this as- cool/mind-blowing/incredible/awesome/literally the coolest thing you've seen in a while- as i did, but since i found it to be those and all the above... i decided to share it with you. i want something like this in my house one day! maybe not chinese looking animals... but a big wall with something cool on it that i made. anyways.... click the link below and Happy Tuesday!!

WATCH THIS

ps. i love the ending. when the artist is just standing there, nodding his head in approval of his work. i kinda feel like thats what God did when he was finished creating the ultimate piece of art. he just stood back, admired, and nodded his head in the utmost approval... i dont know. just a thought.

abc.